Friday, December 30, 2011

Scoregasm has Scored and Gasmed this Year.

You read that title correctly. I've often tried to keep my blog readers updated on the happenings of my fantasy football team, "Scoregasm." This year I elected to forgo that, as I thought it might be a jinx. Previously I had not finished higher than third, but 2011 was different. Scoregasm has won the 2011 Donkey Punches fantasy football league. Let me tell you how:

The Draft: It all started here, I usually get stuck with a shitty pick. This year, I got stuck with the ninth pick our of twelve teams. Not the worst spot, but not the best spot. I made the best of it, I took Michael Turner in the first round to open, and on my turnaround I made the best pick of the day and took Drew Brees. This pick is important as passing touchdowns are worth 6 points, not the usual 4 points in our league. I followed that up with the picks of Peyton Hillis (pictured above, and also a huge bust), and a few reaches at wide receiver that paid off. I reached and took in order for picks 4-6, Brandon Marshall, Marques Colston, and Steve Smith (Carolina). To round off my offense I took Tony Gonzalez to fill my TE spot (I was hoping Jimmy Graham would fall to me, but he was taken a few picks earlier).

I then took the New York Jets defense, and followed my picks to round out the bench with Mike Sims-Walker (dropped very early on), Willis McGahee (huge pick for a tenth rounder that put up 1000 rushing yards), Jay Cutler (who I dropped for a much better backup to be discussed later), Toby Gerhart (who I dropped and then picked up immediately after the first A.P. injury), I then took Adam Vinatieri to fill my kicker void, and then my final pick was Donald Brown.

It was a pretty solid draft, and I essentially won the season there thanks to the big years from Turner, Brees, Marshall, Colston, Smith, Gonzalez, and McGahee.

But my good moves didn't stop at the draft...

The Season: So the regular season is always full of waiver moves that help win championships. Some of mine were to keep them out of other team's possession, and then others were to fill bye week gaps, or injury holes. Here is a look at what some of those pick-ups looked like: Cam Newton, Darren Sproles, Mike Thomas, Devery Henderson, Jake Ballard, Eric Decker, and Kahlil Bell on offense, at kicker I went through Jason Hanson and finished with Mason Crosby at the kicker spot, and I also used the Tennessee Defense, and New York Giants Defense once each.

I was in position to win the top seed in our league, and had it not been for one Philip Rivers to Vincent Jackson touchdown in the regular season finale, I would have won top seed. I led the league in points, but took a few tough losses. All in all, I took the 3 seed into the playoffs...

The Playoffs: Week one of the playoffs, I faced off against Brian, a league newcomer who was carried to the playoffs by Aaron Rodgers, I tough matchup that came down to a Sunday night football game. I pulled off the win, and had to carry my success into playing the two seed. Week two of the playoffs I was matched up against M-Dub, who I'd beaten twice already in the regular season. It was a walk in the park thanks to Drew Brees. Tony Romo had started with a huge Saturday point fest when he had 250 yards and 4 touchdowns in the first half. Luckily he had a slow second half, and Drew Brees met his match with 350 of his own yards and 5 touchdowns. So I moved on to the finals.

The Finals: It was a nail-biter that came down to the Monday Night Saints-Falcons game. I had Brees, Gonzalez, and Colston going and Mike (who is now a three time finals failure) had Roddy White going. I was down by 42 points thanks to a great start from Kahlil Bell who I'd just picked up (and I'd benched Turner that week), and despite horrible starts by McGahee and S. Smith. I ended up winning by 18 points, and Drew Brees broke down Marino's record.

All in all a great fantasy season, that also happened to have the largest fantasy payout that our league has season in 6 seasons. We paid $50 per team this year, as opposed to $20. So I walked away with a title and $300. If you do the math, in the previous five seasons, I'd lost $80 (I won $20 back with a third place finish a few years ago), so that makes me up $220 after 6 years of play. Not to shabby.

Next year, Scoregasm will be back in full force looking to have a repeat performance and win the Donkey Punches Fantasy Football league. Please see the video.


Thursday, December 1, 2011

A Legal Commentary on Stripping

So I read an article on Above the Law recently. You can read it by clicking the link. It's actually quite interesting and right up my alley. So I thought I would comment on it.

Here is the basic rundown: Attorneys for South American drug lords in Florida have been busted using strippers to make sure their clients keep them employed. They have been flying in dancers from South America to pose as legal assistants and secretaries and entertain the incarcerated kingpins with their non-legal assets.

There are several women who find this as sexist and wrong. They don't believe it should be allowed. I disagree.

Using sex is something that our country does on a daily basis. We use sex in ads to sell products ranging from deodorant, cars, cell phones, movies, condoms (obviously), and beer. We take clients to lunch at places like Hooters (I actually do go their for the wings) and Twin Peaks (food is only so-so). We place models on cars and boats at shows and state fairs. Sex sells. There are not many statements someone can make that is truer than that.

This is just another way to have sex sell. Yes it has the potential to border on prostitution if these clients are getting a little happy ending after the "dance." But there is no risk of sex slavery, these women are paid professional dancers, as Above the Law points out.

It used to be commonplace to take important business clients to a strip club to help seal a deal, and some companies still do that. Is buying a lap dance for a potential client any different then sending a stripper to a current client to keep him happy? Not really.

As a fan of the legal system and the strip club system, I believe that no harm comes from combining the two. I mean if P.E.T.A can use sex to advocate against wearing fur, why can't attorneys use sex to maintain happy clients. Because for anyone who has worked in the legal industry, they know how rare happy clients are. I would say the percentage of happy clients to a law practice is around 17%. So you have 83% of your clients that are unhappy. Why not offer a lap-dance or two to help ensure that you stay retained by your client (especially one who is in prison, but still paying you).

So I applaud those Floridian attorneys making use of the stripping industry. If I'm ever arrested in Florida, I'll know who to call...