Friday, December 30, 2011

Scoregasm has Scored and Gasmed this Year.

You read that title correctly. I've often tried to keep my blog readers updated on the happenings of my fantasy football team, "Scoregasm." This year I elected to forgo that, as I thought it might be a jinx. Previously I had not finished higher than third, but 2011 was different. Scoregasm has won the 2011 Donkey Punches fantasy football league. Let me tell you how:

The Draft: It all started here, I usually get stuck with a shitty pick. This year, I got stuck with the ninth pick our of twelve teams. Not the worst spot, but not the best spot. I made the best of it, I took Michael Turner in the first round to open, and on my turnaround I made the best pick of the day and took Drew Brees. This pick is important as passing touchdowns are worth 6 points, not the usual 4 points in our league. I followed that up with the picks of Peyton Hillis (pictured above, and also a huge bust), and a few reaches at wide receiver that paid off. I reached and took in order for picks 4-6, Brandon Marshall, Marques Colston, and Steve Smith (Carolina). To round off my offense I took Tony Gonzalez to fill my TE spot (I was hoping Jimmy Graham would fall to me, but he was taken a few picks earlier).

I then took the New York Jets defense, and followed my picks to round out the bench with Mike Sims-Walker (dropped very early on), Willis McGahee (huge pick for a tenth rounder that put up 1000 rushing yards), Jay Cutler (who I dropped for a much better backup to be discussed later), Toby Gerhart (who I dropped and then picked up immediately after the first A.P. injury), I then took Adam Vinatieri to fill my kicker void, and then my final pick was Donald Brown.

It was a pretty solid draft, and I essentially won the season there thanks to the big years from Turner, Brees, Marshall, Colston, Smith, Gonzalez, and McGahee.

But my good moves didn't stop at the draft...

The Season: So the regular season is always full of waiver moves that help win championships. Some of mine were to keep them out of other team's possession, and then others were to fill bye week gaps, or injury holes. Here is a look at what some of those pick-ups looked like: Cam Newton, Darren Sproles, Mike Thomas, Devery Henderson, Jake Ballard, Eric Decker, and Kahlil Bell on offense, at kicker I went through Jason Hanson and finished with Mason Crosby at the kicker spot, and I also used the Tennessee Defense, and New York Giants Defense once each.

I was in position to win the top seed in our league, and had it not been for one Philip Rivers to Vincent Jackson touchdown in the regular season finale, I would have won top seed. I led the league in points, but took a few tough losses. All in all, I took the 3 seed into the playoffs...

The Playoffs: Week one of the playoffs, I faced off against Brian, a league newcomer who was carried to the playoffs by Aaron Rodgers, I tough matchup that came down to a Sunday night football game. I pulled off the win, and had to carry my success into playing the two seed. Week two of the playoffs I was matched up against M-Dub, who I'd beaten twice already in the regular season. It was a walk in the park thanks to Drew Brees. Tony Romo had started with a huge Saturday point fest when he had 250 yards and 4 touchdowns in the first half. Luckily he had a slow second half, and Drew Brees met his match with 350 of his own yards and 5 touchdowns. So I moved on to the finals.

The Finals: It was a nail-biter that came down to the Monday Night Saints-Falcons game. I had Brees, Gonzalez, and Colston going and Mike (who is now a three time finals failure) had Roddy White going. I was down by 42 points thanks to a great start from Kahlil Bell who I'd just picked up (and I'd benched Turner that week), and despite horrible starts by McGahee and S. Smith. I ended up winning by 18 points, and Drew Brees broke down Marino's record.

All in all a great fantasy season, that also happened to have the largest fantasy payout that our league has season in 6 seasons. We paid $50 per team this year, as opposed to $20. So I walked away with a title and $300. If you do the math, in the previous five seasons, I'd lost $80 (I won $20 back with a third place finish a few years ago), so that makes me up $220 after 6 years of play. Not to shabby.

Next year, Scoregasm will be back in full force looking to have a repeat performance and win the Donkey Punches Fantasy Football league. Please see the video.


video

Thursday, December 1, 2011

A Legal Commentary on Stripping

So I read an article on Above the Law recently. You can read it by clicking the link. It's actually quite interesting and right up my alley. So I thought I would comment on it.

Here is the basic rundown: Attorneys for South American drug lords in Florida have been busted using strippers to make sure their clients keep them employed. They have been flying in dancers from South America to pose as legal assistants and secretaries and entertain the incarcerated kingpins with their non-legal assets.

There are several women who find this as sexist and wrong. They don't believe it should be allowed. I disagree.

Using sex is something that our country does on a daily basis. We use sex in ads to sell products ranging from deodorant, cars, cell phones, movies, condoms (obviously), and beer. We take clients to lunch at places like Hooters (I actually do go their for the wings) and Twin Peaks (food is only so-so). We place models on cars and boats at shows and state fairs. Sex sells. There are not many statements someone can make that is truer than that.

This is just another way to have sex sell. Yes it has the potential to border on prostitution if these clients are getting a little happy ending after the "dance." But there is no risk of sex slavery, these women are paid professional dancers, as Above the Law points out.

It used to be commonplace to take important business clients to a strip club to help seal a deal, and some companies still do that. Is buying a lap dance for a potential client any different then sending a stripper to a current client to keep him happy? Not really.

As a fan of the legal system and the strip club system, I believe that no harm comes from combining the two. I mean if P.E.T.A can use sex to advocate against wearing fur, why can't attorneys use sex to maintain happy clients. Because for anyone who has worked in the legal industry, they know how rare happy clients are. I would say the percentage of happy clients to a law practice is around 17%. So you have 83% of your clients that are unhappy. Why not offer a lap-dance or two to help ensure that you stay retained by your client (especially one who is in prison, but still paying you).

So I applaud those Floridian attorneys making use of the stripping industry. If I'm ever arrested in Florida, I'll know who to call...

Monday, November 21, 2011

Money, Basketball, and the Law

I wrote this article last week for the Stanley & Associates Newsletter, "Off the Record." I wanted to write something that would be relevant to anyone who reads it, and I wanted to explain what the NBA players would have to prove to win an antitrust case. The article is basically an explanation of antitrust in as simple of terms as I could make it. I hope you find it informative. You can read the original newsletter here if you'd like.

If you have any questions regarding antitrust, please feel free to email me at jlanzillo4@lanzillosportsgroup.com. Enjoy:

"This one is for all the sports fans out there. You may know that the NBA Players Union has recently elected to disband and file suit against the NBA. You may have also heard that the specific type of lawsuit filed by the players (in multiple jurisdictions) is an “Antitrust” lawsuit. But what does all of this actually mean for the league, the players, and your favorite NBA team?

An antitrust claim means essentially this: The parties being sued are accused of participating in an agreement that unreasonably restrained trade in the market. In this case, the parties being sued make up the NBA; which is a collection of the teams and owners.

The first element of the claim the plaintiffs (the NBA players) have to prove is the existence of a “market.” There are two types of markets involved in this case: output and input markets. Output markets have to do with things that generate revenue, such as the games, TV deals, and merchandise. Input markets have to do with the products themselves, which, in this case are the players and coaches.

The second part of an antitrust claim that must be proven is the anticompetitive effect that the defendant (NBA’s) actions have on the market. An example of this (taken from a Major League Baseball antitrust case) would be if all the owners got together and agreed that they would not pay any player (free agent) over a certain dollar figure. Proving the anticompetitive effect on the market can be difficult. In the case of the NBA, the players are claiming that the owners conspired to “boycott players” attempting to force them to take massive reductions in compensation.

The final piece of the antitrust suit puzzle for the NBA players is establishing that the teams who make up NBA have available to them less restrictive (less anticompetitive) alternatives.

The NBA will have the opportunity to defend these claims with procompetitive justifications. They will give an economic justification for each of the actions that the players claim to be anticompetitive. Some of these defenses will be very persuasive.

It is worth remembering that the NBA has lost antitrust suits in the past. Back in the mid 80’s, when the San Diego Clippers’s moved to Los Angeles, a court upheld a jury’s finding that requiring approval of every NBA team regarding the move of another team was an unreasonable restraint on trade.

The bottom line is that while antitrust claims are very hard to prove, the cases will often settle out of court because the stakes are very high for defendants. In this case, if the NBA looses, owners will feel the pain as damages awarded in antitrust suits are automatically tripled.

Keep an eye on our firm’s twitter feed for more updates on the NBA antitrust case."

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

ABA Regional Negotiation Champion

Well, law schools don't have athletics. Well, kind of, I did play on a law school softball team that finished second in a tournament over the summer (I played a dynamite SS that day in 106 degree heat...but that's another story). For competition purposes, law schools have Mock Trial, Moot Court, and Dispute Resolution (Negotiation, Arbitration, and Mediation) teams.

They are teams that promote oral advocacy. Mock trial is a simulation of a trial. Moot Court is a simulation of an appeals hearing, and Dispute Resolution teams deal with before and after court issues.

Being a future super agent, being part of a Negotiation competition team just calls to me. I won a competition as a 1L that allowed me to be part of the travel team. Fall of my 2L year I finished second in intramurals (lost by 1 point). Spring of my 2L year, I traveled to Liberty Law School in Virginia to compete. That didn't go very well. Essentially, me and my teammate had the highest score through round 1, but an "ethical" violation (creating a self serving fact) cost us round 2, and advancing.

Well this past weekend, I got another shot at competing. Me and a new teammate (Danielle Huddleston) represented Texas Wesleyan School of Law in the Region 8 ABA Negotiation Competition. Region 8 consists of Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Arkansas, and Louisiana. Texas Wesleyan sent two teams. One advanced to the finals, the other did not. Obviously, if you read the title of this blog post, you know who won. My teammate and I did (You can see the picture, on my right is my teammate Danielle Huddleston, and on my left in the picture is our coach Chris Watts (Wesleyan Grad from '00, and me and my awesome beard are in the middle).

Is this a big deal? Of course. We now get to go to nationals in New Orleans in February for a chance to win back-to-back National Negotiation Titles for the school. Last year, Texas Wesleyan finished third in regionals, and were lucky to even get an invite to nationals. This year, we won an automatic invite.

What makes this an even bigger deal is that, little, ole tier-4 Texas Wesleyan dominated several major schools in our region...Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas-Little Rock, LSU, Tulsa, Baylor, SMU, and Texas Tech to name a few... All of these law schools have much better "rankings" nationwide, yet Texas Wesleyan is the defending national champion, and we now have a shot at winning two in a row. Pretty impressive for a little school in Fort Worth.

Either way, this is just another step in becoming a super agent!

Monday, October 31, 2011

What Happened to Halloween?

So this year for Halloween, I actually live in a big neighborhood in Richardson with lots of kids. I know there are lots of kids because I see them every morning on their way to school, and after school they are all out playing when I'm running. I was kind of excited to do the whole give out candy for Halloween thing...But alas, that has not happened.

As of now, Holly and I's first trick-or-treater showed up around 5:45pm. We had our 6th trick-or-treater around 8pm, and well, haven't had one since. A quick check outside, and there are none to be seen on the street. To make things worse, half of the kids who were trick or treat in were wearing no costume. A couple of kids thought they were "gangsters" rocking a sweatshirt. It's disappointing really.

Should I blame kids these days for the lack of Halloween enthusiasm? I don't think so. It all comes down to shitty parenting. Parents worry about way too much shit these days. They don't let their kids do anything. We live in a generation where everyone gets a trophy, no one gets picked last (hell no one gets picked at all), and kids apparently don't get to go out on Halloween.

This new generation of parents blows. I think the current youthful generation should rise up out of their homes in a costume of their choosing and hit the house circuit to get some tasty candy.

Anyway, this current generation of parents are in fact NOT awesome. I mean I even dressed my dock up for this occasion! Zoey is ready for Halloween.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Hockey Fights Cancer

So I decided to take this break of action in the World Series (thanks to a spiteful mother nature), to talk about the NHL's version of Stand up 2 Cancer. I was able to take part in the MLB SU2C promotion this past Sunday during game 4 of the World Series in Arlington. It was a pretty cool moment, and a really great cause. The NHL is also involved in something similar, and I was able to take part in that as well not too long ago while attending a Dallas Stars and St. Louis Blues hockey game.

The NHL has a version known as "Hockey Fights Cancer." The Dallas Stars held an auction where several players signed sticks during a meet and greet for the winning bidder. I decided to do my part and got in on the bidding. However I elected to bid on Ralph and Razor's ties and an opportunity to meet the award winning broadcast team of Stars TV and radio fame (see picture). It was a great opportunity, and they even put Holly and I on the post game show.

I just wanted to write this blog to give anyone interested in donating to Hockey Fights Cancer, or Stand Up 2 Cancer the opportunity.

Let's hope the rain doesn't postpone the Rangers winning game 6 again tomorrow!

Monday, October 17, 2011

What's Right with Baseball in the Fall?

Everything is right with baseball in the fall. Playing baseball into the fall can only be good thing. And for the second time in their history, the Texas Rangers are playing some extremely good fall ball. Last night, when the Cardinals completed their NLCS victory, it set the stage for the 2011 Fall Classic.

The Rangers are now just four wins away from their first title. A World Series victory would complete the circle of every major sports team in Dallas/Fort Worth winning a title. The Cowboys have won multiple Super Bowls, the Stars won the 1998-99 Cup of Lord Stanley (and they're off to a hot start to this season), and the Mavericks won this past year. It is probably why Dallas/Fort Worth has been named sports city of the year.

Anyway, all I know is that Wednesday night, this lifelong Ranger fan will care of nothing else except seeing the Rangers finally complete a championship run. It's been a great two years, but this is their time to win. There are definitely a lot of things wrong with baseball in the summer, but there is nothing wrong with baseball in the fall...Wait apart from some of the worst baseball broadcasting of the year, with examples being the horrendous Joe Buck, the annoying Tim McCarver, and the stupid and annoying Buck Martinez. Anyway, that's not the point of this blog.

I want to congratulate the Cardinals on making it this far, but your "magical" run over the last month and a half will fall short to a few "Cruz Missiles" from NC17 and the "Year of the Napoli" will make you wish you'd let Atlanta make the postseason instead of you.

So I hope everyone has an awesome time celebrating this season for Dallas, Fort Worth, Arlington, and the Rangers. Oh yeah, feel free to follow me on Twitter: @JLanzillo4.

Friday, September 16, 2011

What's Wrong with Baseball in the Summer? Part 5

Well today is the finale of my summer baseball series. And this subject really gets me amped up. It actually is an issue no matter what team is playing, or what sport is being played.

I hate that fan who wears a jersey or hat or shirt from another team not playing in the game. You go to a Texas Rangers and they are playing the Minnesota Twins. Normal enough you're gonna see plenty of Texas gear, and some Twins gear, because let's be honest Texas is a transplant state (people move here from places like New Jersey, New York, Minnesota, Ohio, etc. all the time, I mean come on, we have plenty of jobs and no state income tax...). But while you're at that Rangers v. Twins match-up you see some douche bag fan rocking a Derek Jeter t-shirt jersey.

I understand if you're a Yankees fan. I understand if you're a Yankees fan in D/FW watching a game at the ballpark. I understand if you're a Yankees fan at the Rangers game rocking Yankee gear when the Bronx Bombers are in Arlington playing a game. What I don't understand is why you're wearing an ugly navy New York jersey at a game featuring no teams from the northeast at all. I mean I would even not mind a Yankees fan rocking his gear if the Red Sox were in town...

I hate it. You're not cool because you own a Jeter shirt. You look like a total douche. But there is of course one thing worse than that: when a fan is rocking a team from a different sport and area then the teams currently playing. Imagine yourself at the same previously mentioned game featuring the Rangers and Twins. You're just enjoying a well pitched game by C.J. Wilson, and bam, in walks a fan rocking a Lakers jersey. Some loser just rocked a purple and gold tank top jersey to a baseball game that (1) had no basketball teams playing in it, (2) featured no teams from California, and (3) was likely being played when no basketball was actually going on.

Absolutely ridiculous. So the next time you're at a sporting event, either wear team gear that correlates with the sport and the game being played, or just wear a non-sports related article of clothing. Don't be that douche, it is the opposite of being awesome.

(I apologize for the inconvenience of having no picture to show you what I mean. I couldn't find anything via Google, and I continuously forgot to snap a picture of it at Rangers games this summer. If I happen to see it at any of the remaining games, I promise to snap a shot. So to make up for it for now, here is a snap shot of me in Rangers garb from last years World Series game 3 against San Fransisco with ESPN's Tim Kurkjian. I'm also carrying a drum, just like my grandfather Zonk does.)

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Who Could Forget? 10 Years After.

My parents still remember where they were when Kennedy was shot. Our generation had our own date to remember, 9/11/01. I still remember where I was.

Dallas Christian High School, Junior English class. We were pulled out of class early and taken to our auditorium (where we had chapel daily) and the entire high school was told at the same time. I remember many people were in disbelief, and there was one girl whose dad was in New York at the time for work, and she left to go call home.

As we were young, a lot of the talk was going to war. We weren't really thinking about the people, just revenge, and the day wasn't even over yet.

When we went back to class, we got the news put up, and saw the videos. That's when it really began to set in. Seeing video of the second plane hitting the building and the people all around, it was intense. I remember the bombing in Oklahoma City, it was very similar, but it never really sank in the way 9/11 did. I remember a few years later seeing ground zero. I had been in New York in August a few weeks before the attacks, and this had been my first time back. My brother snapped this shot of the miracle cross.

Today is the 10 year anniversary. I still remember. I won't be forgetting any time soon. We are a proud country, always have been, and always will be. It took almost ten years, but we finally got the man responsible earlier this year. To those family members of men and women who lost their lives that day, my thoughts are with all of you today. We will always honor their loss in this great American tragedy.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

What's Wrong with Baseball in the Summer? Part 4

This one is easy. There isn't even a whole lot to write. It's the umpires.

Officiating is really pretty horrible in all sports, the NHL may have the best, but that's not saying much. People will often say that, well they're human, they make mistakes. I get that, the occasional missed ball or strike is understandable. But these people ARE in fact getting paid. So how is it that when you're only job is to watch a play, you still blow a call?

Take for example Jim Joyce's blown call (pictured right) last summer that led to a "failed" perfect game. A foot is a lot, even for a play run at full speed. And that is how bad this call was blown. It could even be argued that shitty umpiring cost the Atlanta Braves a win in the playoffs last year, I mean how does an umpire blow this call on the Buster Posey steal (pictured below)? I mean he was clearly out at every angle. What is really crazy is that not a single Brave (including Manager Bobby Cox and infielder Brooks Conrad) went out to argue this safe call...
I guess I had a little bit more to write then I first thought. But the next time you see a blown call in baseball (especially in the playoffs) or in any sport, just remember this, those guys make a lot more money than you probably do, and you are probably better at your job then they are at theirs.

Anyway, look for Part 5 soon, hopefully before the baseball playoffs begin. Until then stay awesome, and enjoy opening weekend to the NFL this week (thank the gods for instant replay...)

Friday, July 29, 2011

Turn the Page

Well, Captain Awesome is turning a major page in his life. I'll start with the simple thing. I'm moving away from my apartment in downtown Fort Worth. It's sad, and I'm going to miss it.

The move is necessary, as my rent was going to be raised another $124/month, and that's something a third year law student just can't afford. The apartment isn't even that great. It's small, awkwardly shaped, and lacks a balcony. That's a huge issue when an apartment complex wants you paying $1020/month. I will say though that the location is immaculate. Walking distance to the law school, walking distance to Sundance Square, which means walking distance to the Flying Saucer.

I'll miss being here, but I'll also love Richardson. It'll be a house, centrally located off of central expressway, close to family and friends, and close to where I'm a legal intern.

Anyway, on to my second big news. I am soon to be not a bachelor. I have been living with my girlfriend for about 18 months now (see picture). I have made the decision to propose, and well she said yes. So we will get to plan a wedding around law school. The date has been decided. It will be Saturday, March 17, 2012. Yes, we are going to get married on St. Patrick's Day. You know how much I love the holiday. I love the drinking and the leprechauns. It will be the party of all parties. A cherished holiday and a time honored traditional celebration. It will be a good time, and there will be several posts along the way (such as Captain Awesome's bachelor party), so stay tuned!

So until next time, stay awesome.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Flying Saucer Take Two

Well as some readers may remember, back in 2010, Negro Willie got his plate up at Flying Saucer in Addison. I also briefly mentioned that I received my first plate at the Saucer in Fort Worth back in December 2009. Well it's time to make mention of Flying Saucer in Fort Worth again, as plate number two is now up, and we had my "Plate Party" last night.

It didn't get too crazy, although the hangover I'm currently recovering from would beg to differ. So there is not a whole lot of story. Lots of beer at Flying Saucer, some more at the Fox and Hound, and then some late night pizza as a snack (and it was awesome).

My first plate said "My student loans bought beer, not books." (Pictured Above) And this plate now says, "Two years of law school, two plates. Coincidence?" (Pictured Left) You can see them pictured above and below. My goal is to get my third plate up around the same time I graduate from law school. Three plates and a J.D. Not a bad way to go.

Anyway, I thought sharing my awesome news may encourage others to go out and be awesome, so go ahead, go out and be awesome!

Tell them Captain Awesome sent you...

Monday, July 18, 2011

What's Wrong with Baseball in the Summer? Part 3

This one is going to be short. The price of beer. I mean for anywhere from $7-$14 depending on the stadium you are at, or the style of beer you are drinking, the beers at the ballpark will cost you. And even if you work as a safety inspector at a nuclear power plant, the cost of beer at a ballgame will still shock you and eat at your wallet (see picture)...

What sucks about this is that it ends up costing you the price of a case to keep your tailgating buzz going during the game. I mean $7 bucks for a Budweiser at the ballgame to quench your thirst, is just an insane mark-up. And it's not like your other options of drinks on a hot summer day are much better. $4-$7 for a water or a soft drink is equally insane. And don't even get me started on the cost of food...

Either way, problem number 3 of summertime baseball is the insane price gouging on food and beverages while you enjoy three hours of sweltering heat under the sun.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

What's Wrong with Baseball in the Summer? Part 2

Ah yes, it has been a week, so I will write part 2 on my experiences with fans at baseball game. The next one, isn't that bad to most fans, it really just bothers the people who have played the game before (myself included).

The next issue is when fans go nuts over every single pop-up to shallow centerfield as if it's a 450ft. blast in the upper deck. I mean come on, seriously? Is your depth perception really that bad? Can you not see the outfielder running in to catch the ball?

It's like all of those fans watch soccer on Spanish TV and are used to hearing the announcer go nuts anytime the ball is even close to a goal. In a 1-0 game in soccer, those announcers must get excited to the point where a goal has to be imminent like 40x's a game. That's what the baseball fans do.

My advice: learn to read a flyball of the bat. It's not that hard.

I will give a pass to those fans only when the flyball makes it to the warning track.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

What's Wrong with Baseball in the Summer? Part 1

So it's summertime, which means a decent number of people will likely be attending baseball games at some point this season. So I'm going to discuss one of my pet peeves regarding baseball games and the fans (and trust me, there is more to come).

The first one that came to mind, is quite possibly, the most annoying action a fan at a baseball came can be a part of. The problem is that despite players and serious fans of the games dislike for it, this trend continues to suck the life out of a game. It's the wave (pictured).

This "tradition" has been ruining games an inning at a time as fans who know absolutely nothing about the game continue to do it. If you want to do the wave, go to a soccer game or something, it's not for baseball. Whoever introduced it to baseball should be shot and banned from the game for life. We don't see this shit in football, hockey, or basketball games, so why should I have to deal with some douche, who probably doesn't know where the short stop plays, stand up in front of me, raising his hands in the air, and likely spilling beer one me? The answer is I shouldn't.

The Texas Rangers have made attempts to ban this by playing a video on the jumbo-tron when the wave gets started declaring the ballpark a "No Wave Zone." Thank you Chuck Morgan for doing what you can for removing this stain of a trend from the ballpark.

Anyway, that's enough of my ranting, check back in a week or so. I have several more blogs coming in this series. If you do happen to see the wave this summer, please do not participate, and feel free to discourage fellow fans to do the same. Stay awesome.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Future Super Agent

So, within the past week, my future career path may be starting to unfold. After two years of answering "I don't know," to questions regarding what I'm going to be doing with my law degree, I may have finally picked it out, and it turns out to have been what I always wanted to do all along.

I am going to become a sports agent, and build an empire of hockey and baseball players. I also wouldn't mind representing actors and musicians. If I could build an empire along the lines of CAA, then I'd be one happy law grad.

I have already signed a future NHL blue liner. A former NCAA Div. III All-American and National Champion out of Norwich, Eric Tallent (pictured), as my first client. Hopefully some other hopeful future professional athletes and/or actors/musicians want in on this.

Now I just have to figure a good name for my agency. I wanted it to be Captain Awesome Agency, except that CAA is already a pretty well known name. Does anybody like Big4 Agency?

I could also take on the name the Zonk Group, but instead of the Zonk Group, Inc., I could use the Zonk Group Agency. It's a name that really stands out, and has some local D/FW recognition. Let me know what you think.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Home of Champions

Well, thanks to Dirk (pictured) and the rest of the Mavericks, in less than a calender year, Dallas/Fort Worth will see three of the four championships played in our backyard.

It all started last October when the Texas Rangers went on a magical run through the playoffs to win the American League championship and follow that up with their first appearance in the World Series. Of course this was also the first time they had ever even won a series in the playoffs. So even though they lost to San Fransisco, they still happened to play there, and we even got to see a World Series win here in the metroplex. So the Rangers started this run of championship games.

Of course the Dallas Cowboys were absolutely horrible this year. Fortunately, their owner, Boss Hogg, happened to build a Death Star on the ground in Arlington in the form of Cowboys Stadium. Because of this, the NFL in all their wisdom, decided to have us good folks in D/FW host the Super Bowl, with Fort Worth getting the AFC and Dallas getting the NFC and Arlington getting the game. And yes I was out in Fort Worth the night Big Ben was buying rounds at Pete's Piano Bar, and no I was not at Pete's.

The Dallas Stars ruined an opportunity for a sweep. They had to win the last game of the season, and they came out as gutless as they come and got beat. So there was no playoff hockey in Dallas this year.

Fortunately for American Airlines Center, the major under-dogs to do it, the Dallas Mavericks have marched their way to a 2006 rematch with the hated Miami Heat, and let's be honest no one wants to see the Heat win this thing. Well except maybe the NBA front office and all the officials. Because none of them want to see Cuban's team win. Just as they did five years ago, the shitty officiating will have Wade, Bosh (who's from Dallas) and super Douche Nugget Lebron James (personally Steve Carell had a much better "decision" than James) on the line any time they have the ball and someone is breathing on them.

Either way, D/FW has this year hosted the World Series, the Super Bowl, and the NBA Finals. Not bad for out small little town...

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Osama bin Laden

Minutes before Obama announces the news, I'm going to be taking bets on how bin Laden (pictured below) actually died.

1:1 Natural Causes
2:1 Killed by own men
6:1 U.S. Spec. Ops got him
10:1 He's not actually dead
15:1 Missile attack
30:1 Alcohol poisoning at the "Royal Wedding" this past weekend.


Update: CIA/U.S. Spec. Ops at 6:1 wins the day according to the POTUS.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

St. Patrick's Day part deux.

I have written on St. Patrick's Day in the past on the appropriate beverages for consumption to celebrate, and you can read that here if you wish. However on the eve of the all important day in celebration of St. Patrick, I would like to address a very important issue: the treatment of little people as nothing more than leprechauns every March 17th.

You see, since I can remember, and from what I remember from many St. Patrick's Days of years past, I always remember seeing in live person or on television, instances in which the wee living Hobbits of our world are asked or paid or forced to dress in green and dance for us. We may even be able to get their lucky charms! But how much longer can we force these wee champions to withstand our requests to be entertained while we drink our livers to the end of the rainbow?

I'll tell you how much longer, until it no longer entertains us! What would St. Patrick's Day be without the joyous little people dressed in green and handing out pints of Guinness to all the revelers of this most joyous celebration of Irishmen, alcoholism, shamrocks, and the color green? It would be just another boring day at the bar where some tool who got his hands on a green Affliction t-shirt and a Miller Lite with green dye in it.

If we decide to get tired of midgets in leprechaun drag, then the douche's who drink green light beer win. As a man of Irish descent, and a man who enjoys many of Ireland's craft beers and whiskeys, I refuse to let another holiday succumb to dealing with the Jersey Shore cast at the bar with their green dyed beer. So this year, I decided to make the world know that we must support our little people in leprechaun drag, as I did at the Dash Down Greenville in Dallas this past weekend (see picture).

So until next time, be awesome and be proud of the green tomorrow!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Law of Mardi Gras

Since today is Fat Tuesday, I thought I'd share some relevant Louisianan Law. Feel free to check the site. This is quite an enjoyable statute, unless of course you are injured by a flying missile of beads...

This is somewhat important for me to note, because while Captain Awesome won't be down there for Mardi Gras, he will be celebrating a bachelor party during the course of spring break, so I will be prepared for flying beads...

La. R.S. 9:2796 (2011)
§ 9:2796. Limitation of liability for loss connected with Mardi Gras parades and festivities; fair and festival parades

A. Notwithstanding any other law to the contrary, no person shall have a cause of action against any krewe or organization, any group traditionally referred to as Courir de Mardi Gras, or any member thereof, which presents Mardi Gras parades, including traditional rural Mardi Gras parades, processions, or runs in which participants ride on horseback, march, walk, or ride on horse-drawn or motordrawn floats, or wheeled beds, or other parades, whether held on a public or private street or waterway, or in a building or other structure, or any combination thereof, connected with pre-Lenten festivities or the Holiday in Dixie Parade, or against any nonprofit organization chartered under the laws of this state, or any member thereof, which sponsors fairs or festivals that present parades or courirs, for any loss or damage caused by any member thereof, during or in conjunction with or related to the parades or courirs presented by such krewe or organization, unless said loss or damage was caused by the deliberate and wanton act or gross negligence of the krewe or organization, or any member thereof as the case may be, or unless said member was operating a motor vehicle within the parade or festival and was a compensated employee of the krewe, organization, or courir. The provisions of this Section shall not be intended to limit the liability of a compensated employee of such krewe or organization for his individual acts of negligence.

B. Any person who is attending or participating in one of the organized parades of floats or persons listed in Subsection A of this Section, when the parade begins and ends between the hours of 6:00 a.m. and 12:00 midnight of the same day, assumes the risk of being struck by any missile whatsoever which has been traditionally thrown, tossed, or hurled by members of the krewe or organization in such parades held prior to the effective date of this Section. The items shall include but are not limited to beads, cups, coconuts, and doubloons unless said loss or damage was caused by the deliberate and wanton act or gross negligence of said krewe or organization.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Marathons

Running marathons is a lot harder than I thought. I think this makes me more awesome because I did it...

Run Fatboy, Run. That is all.