Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Total Domination in week 3.

Well my predictions were only half right. I did totally dominate Total Domination this past week. Peyton Hillis however had a monster game. The crazy thing, my bench may have outscored my starting lineup with fewer players. My optimal lineup was the best lineup of any team thanks in part to monster days by Roy UnoUno with the Cowboys, Mike Wallace breaking out in Pitt, Flacco found some rhythm and L.T. continues to be my best back.

Of course Drew Brees put up his usual numbers. Of my starters, I have to give credit where credit is due, and well that has to go to the monster day by Anquan Boldin (pictured). Three touchdowns, 140 something yards, and so he put up a whopping 31.96 points for me, even with his -6 passing yards.

Here is my biggest complaint of the week. and it goes toward the Carolina Panthers and their horrible offensive game plan. They are starting a rookie QB in Clausen, and so you figure the team is gonna be running the ball, so that's good news for DeAngelo Williams and Scoregasm. Wrong. In a close game, the entire game, John Fucking Fox decided it was in the best interest to let Clausen throw 33 times in the game. That decision led to an interception and two lost fumbles. On top of that Jonathan Stewart got an equivalent number of carries, including on the goal line. His line was a powerhouse 13 yards on eight carries, a touchdown and a lost fumble. That's good shit. While my boy DeAngelo got only 10 carries and dropped 64 yards on the Bengals defense. Now I'm no professional coach, but I do know some math and a 6.4 yards per carry average should get more carries as opposed to the guy who averaged 1.6 yards on the ground or the QB who completed fewer than 50% of his passes for only 5.7 yards per attempt...

So while Scoregasm still won, the shitty Panthers lost again. My analysis, John Fox is an idiot, and doesn't know anything about football. What a fucking cockbag, I bet he is gone by the end of the season.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Scoregasm got some in week 2

Well, as the fantasy football week comes screeching into week 3, Scoregasm's week 2 win celebration will run into a two time league champion.

I dominated the piss pour Come Get Some last week (thanks to a two td performance from Drew Brees (pictured)). And I plan on putting some total domination on Total Domination, who has twice held the title of league champion. Yahoo has me favored by around 9 points or so. His biggest problem is he is running 2 back up running backs at me. One of which is Jonathan Stewart who happens to be backing up my DeAngelo Williams. Advantage? Scoregasm. He is also running fullback Peyton Hillis out from Cleveland...against the Baltimore DEF... Advantage? Scoregasm. He would have better been suited for running the "demoted" Shonn Greene of the Jets out there. What's that? You second round running back Shonn Greene has 100 fewer rushing yards and 50 fewer receiving yard than his back up, my tenth round pick of LaDainian Tomlinson? Advantage? Scoregasm.

Prediction: Total Domination will go into week 4 with a record of 0-3, like the Vikings likely will, and Scoregasm will march into week 4 with a solid 2-1 record.

PS: Negro Willie's Sexy Hamburger's look a lot like the Dallas Cowboys. Talented, but still losers. I guess number 1 overall Chris Johnson was the wrong pick... See you in rivalry week bitch.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Octoberfest

The original "Oktoberfest" occurred in Munich, on October 18, 1810: For the commemoration of their marriage, Crown Prince Ludwig (later King Ludwig I) and Princess Therese of Saxe-Hildburghausen organized a great horse race (the marriage took place on October 12; the horse race on October 17—therefore, there are different dates named as being the first Oktoberfest). With all that said lets talk about what Octoberfest is really about. Its drinking ALOT of beer. Alot doesn't even come close to describe the amount of beer consumed at Octoberfest. Octoberfest is about drinking MASSIVE amounts of beer. Every year Octoberfest is held in Germany, locally it is held in Addison at Addison Circle. I myself have experienced Octoberfest in Addison for the past2 years and I will be partaking in the festivities again this year. It is becoming a tradition amongst my friends and I to go to Addison and get blackout drunk during Octoberfest. The attached picture is a blur in my mind. Well I'm not going to give you too much about our Octoberfest shenanigans right now so you will have to tune in for my Octoberfest recap, and I'm sure Captain Awesome will regale you with his Octoberfest stories as well.

Not So Sexy in Week 1


Week 1 for the Sexy Hamburgers was not a successful one. The Hamburgers dropped the first game of the season to the Renis Pinkles 104.62-94.32. Overall it was not a bad showing for the Burgers as Tom Brady showed that he is back to his terrific self and was deserving of that big contract. Chris Johnson Showed that he was worth the hype and deserved to be the #1 pick in every fantasy league. Some things that are cause for concern was the play of Jason Witten and Mario Manningham. I expect both players to have a big bounce back week in week 2. Witten is Romo's Favorite target so it's only a matter of time before they connect and start putting up big numbers. As for Manningham i expect him to have a big game against a Colts Secondary that is once again missing Bob Sanders. I also hope that Mark Sanchez Will have some time to pass the ball down field to Braylon Edwards i n week 2. I Drafted Edwards thinking that this would be his bounce back year. I know its only week 1 but the Jets offense was just offensive. On a sad Note the Hamburgers lost Ryan Grant to a season ending ankle injury. He was going to be a vital part to the Hamburgers road to a champion. The Sexy Hamburgers will have to play extra sexy as they go up against team Led Heads in week 2. Stay Sexy.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Scoregasm fails to get off in Week 1

Well, it happens to everybody. They think they've drafted the unbeatable team, and then Arian Foster (pictured) happens to you. With a line that reads 231 rush yards, 3 rushing touchdowns, and 7 yards receiving, Foster put in his best effort to dash the opening week of fantasy for Scoregasm. In the Donkey Punch league format, Foster posted a 41.80 spot, which is very rare.

While week 1 isn't over, as I have Anquan Boldin and the Baltimore defense looking to embarrass the Jets on Monday Night Football, I doubt the two are likely to put up a combined 55-60 points required for me to take the week (he still has Miles Austin on the field still). So while this blog is coming in a little early, my hope now is come Tuesday morning, I can write an update along the lines of Boldin running up about 180 yards, 3 touchdowns, and the Baltimore defense can pitch a shutout, with 5 sacks, 3 picks and a take at least on of those picks in for a pick six.

Unfortunately, my blog counterpart's team, the Sexy Hamburgers, got essentially a "bye week" since he got to play historically one of the worst teams in the league.

Anyway, hopefully Week 2 is a much more fulfilling fantasy week for Scoregasm.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Circle of Life?

So I'm sitting in Constitutional Law recently, and when I should be learning about why Congress can use the Commerce Clause to tell a BBQ joint in Alabama in 1964 that even though they serve everyone, they have to allow blacks to sit at the tables, despite what it will do to their business, and well I can't help but think, I'm bored with being a human...

Humans have way to many problems, and they bitch about everything. They bitch if someone treats them bad, and they make the argument because it's about skin color, or gender, or sexual orientation. Have you ever thought you might just be a giant douche bag? Doubt it. I know plenty of people don't like me, is it because of my Italian or Irish blood? Is it because the things in life I enjoy are drinking, gambling, and smoking cigars? I doubt it, people generally dislike me because I'm an asshole. I know I'm an asshole, but I'm good at it, so I probably always will be one.

Anyway, back to why I'm writing this blog. Instead of learning about the Commerce Clause, I thought about what I would rather be, and I think I nailed it. I want to be a motherfucking lion. I want to be king of the pride. Where my only jobs involve eating what the women bring me, banging each of the women in my pride, and killing or exiling any other male lions trying to move in on me, and sleeping. That is a pretty good life.

I wouldn't have to hear other lions bitch about how life isn't fair. You don't hear lions say, "The only reason you exiled me is because my mane is darker than yours." Or, "I'm not going hunting tonight and bringing you dinner, because as a woman I have rights too." Of course the thing you would never hear is, "Not tonight, I don't feel good, I have a headache." As a lion who was king of the pride, you just have to tell that bitch to bend over and take it like a lioness (pictured).

Now let me ask you this: Doesn't being a lion sound awesome?