Olympic Medals

So, the 2010 Winter Olympics are coming up. So I've decided to take time to enlighten my readers with the true difference between winning a bronze, silver, or gold medal. You see it really doesn't have much to do with being the best at something. Confused? Read on.

BRONZE MEDALISTS:

Here is the deal, most people in the world will be nothing more than a winner of the bronze. Why? Well it's simple, when I refer to winning Olympic medals, I'm talking about sexual achievement in any given night.

Winning a bronze is simple. All you have to do is have sex with a single partner in any given night. Now oral sex is not counted in this. There must be some form of penetration that occurs. If I had to throw a number out there, I'd say 90% of the world is content winning a bronze in the Olympics. Of course it is better than no medal at all...

So it's pretty simple, I really don't have to explain what the last two medals are, but I will anyway because it's my blog.

SILVER MEDALISTS:

There are two different ways to win the silver. You can do it the more common way, and that is by having a threesome with two other people. For a guy, he would have to be with two girls, and for a girl, she would have to have two dudes delving into her nether region with their dividing rods.

There of course is also, the sex with two different partners in a night at separate occasions. And let me digress to point out, that it does not technically have to be in one night. A twenty-four hour time period begins upon the penetration of the first. And if you have sex with another person within that time period, you are now a silver medalist.

If you are just a silver medalist, don't fret, because you are in good company. Captain Awesome himself is only a silver medalist...for now...

GOLD MEDALIST:

Of course by now you are aware what it will take to win the gold.

More than two sexual partners in a twenty-four hour time span, and boom. You've got the gold.

If you are walking down the street and happen upon a foursome with three lovely ladies, well then my friend, you are either Hugh Hefner, or you just joined an elite club of gold medalists.

One day, I will hopefully become a member of this club. It would be more rewarding than say, the Nobel Peace Prize (of course they give that out for doing nothing these days...). Anyway, keep working toward the goal, and if you are a gold medalist, tell your story because you are awesome.