Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Wells Fargo needs to give back their Bailout Money...

Today is the last day of June. This makes me happy, because as of tomorrow I will be one month away from living in a sweet ass apartment in downtown Fort Worth. Law school also begins in August, if Wells Fargo will ever approve my fucking Grad Plus loan. Those guys are fucking douche bags though.

They got like $25 Billion in a tax payer government bailout. I am one of those taxpayers, and I need a loan to pay for law school. They deny the loan. This makes me think a little.

You see, I continue to hear more and more things like this. Students are being denied loans for college, law school, med school, and even dental school. These lenders all received huge bailouts, and have the money to loan because they got help from the taxpayers. (and these are federally guaranteed loans mind you, even after filing bankruptcy, you don't get rid of student loans, they have to be paid back). Now some of these taxpayers and future taxpayers need help.

The way I see it is, that the future of our country is being put into jeopardy because are government is run by fucktards that bailed out greedy son of a bitch bankers. The government should have set up their own lending program for students, they should have known those greedy bank bastards would cut back on giving loans.

So I guess that means unemployment will continue to be on the rise, and people in professional industries will decline over the years. We won't have enough doctors to work under Obama's stupid fucking national health care plan, so no one will end up getting health care to begin with. There won't be enough lawyers to work for cities as prosecutors and defenders, so when one of those unemployed people who can't get a loan for school robs one of those greedy fuckass banks, there may not be enough prosecutors or judges to give him a speedy trial. Or there may not be enough Public Defenders to defend this poor man who can not afford his own legal defense.

If you think about it like that, banks like Wells Fargo, Bank of America, and Chase are doing everything in their power to ensure that people will not have their constitutional rights. I think our government should really look into this.

I mean, Barack Obama had to have gotten a loan to attend law school, so he should know how hard it is already, yet I feel like he isn't doing anything to help out students in need. An ultimatum should be in place for banks, but I guess they are too busy loaning money to people to buy homes and cars that they can't afford, just so the banks can be those fuckasses that go in their and take back those homes and cars, and help put those people who they knew could not afford it into more debt than they can handle. Of course, they are having trouble filing for bankruptcy because there is a lacking number of bankruptcy lawyers due to student being denied several fucking loans.

You see the banking industry has started a vicious cycle that will lead to the downfall of American society. Government bailouts are mostly to blame, but I see this as a major issue, and I hope it bites some of those banks in the ass.

On another note, if anyone works in the educational finance part of a bank, and would be interested in lending me $9,800 of a Grad Plus loan, that would be awesome of you and would get you a place in Awesome World.

I am going to finish with this: to the people at Wells Fargo in charge of approving loans, go fuck yourselves you greedy, worthless, fucking piece of shit cockbags. When I do get out of law school, and pass the bar, I will make it my personal vendetta to destroy Wells Fargo through legal means. See you in three years fuckass.

Friday, June 26, 2009

How About a Music Review?

On the day after music took a huge loss, I felt the need to stay in the subject of music, though I didn't feel compelled to write an entire blog for Michael Jackson, while he deserves it, I just don't think I could write him anything of quality that would do him justice in this sad time. His music and visions of the world will live on, so listen to some MJ and then don't be afraid to check out some of the following albums I have reviewed here today.

So a good number of some of my favorite music artists have released some new albums this year. Since I can write about anything I want on this blog, well I am going to talk about some of these albums. So the following will be a review, and I'll be honest, I'm impressed with all of them so far.

We'll start really easy:

Incubus - Monuments and Melodies
Grade: A

Well, since I began listening to Incubus in 1997, the band has gone through a lot of changes. From funkadelic/heavy rock band of S.C.I.E.N.C.E to becoming alternative/pop rock with a little bit of soul Morning View, Incubus has found a large number of fans of all of their albums. While I personally don't find a greatest hits album a useful purchase, it will still get a good review, because well, I love all the songs that Incubus has previously recorded. So unless you have already made several Incubus album purchases in the past, you can't go wrong when you purchase Monuments and Melodies, and if you have purchased all their other albums, I recommend using iTunes and make a purchase of some of the new tracks that were released on this greatest hits collection, like "Black Heart Inertia". You will definitely Enjoy Incubus.

Dave Matthews Band - Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King
Grade: A-

The last few Dave Matthews albums, honestly have not been up to par. The band has had an up and down battle for musical quality for the last seven to eight years. I think this time they finally will help their fans forget releases like Stand Up and Busted Stuff. While those albums did offer a little to the Dave fans out there, they in no way compare to albums like Crash and Under the Table and Dreaming. Lately the best Dave purchases have really been his live works, which really shows the talent of the band. "Big Whiskey" changes all of that. This is their best album release in the 2000's and really provides the listener with something worthwhile. It is something new that may even bring in a group of younger fans out to his concerts. This is another album that I definitely recommend.

311 - Uplifter
Grade: C+

311 has found a rut. They are one of those bands that put together a certain sound during the 1990's and never left it. This is unfortunate because they are one of my favorite bands. Their early works on albums like Music is what made me a fan of these guys. I think they peaked however around the time that Soundsystem was released, because I'll be honest, it is hard to tell the difference from all the albums released since then. Their last real hit in the past couple of years was a cover song of the Cure's "Love Song". I regret to inform all the 311 fans who have yet to pick up or download the new Uplifteralbum that there is no real improvement. While the sound is still something that I enjoy, I would have liked to seen some more musical growth, maybe next time. The one good thing is I purchased the deluxe version and got some live footage on iTunes.

Ben Folds - Ways to Normal and Ben Folds Presents: University A Cappella!
Grades: B+ and A+

Way to Normal
is a release of new tracks from the solo act of Ben Folds (and I do miss Ben Folds Five a little still). The third new release since Ben Folds decided to drop the Five is another solid performance which includes a few great tracks. He has a unique performance style that seems to infuse Vegas lounge piano with rock and a some clever lyrics. The first single "You Don't Know Me" is a great song featuring vocals by Regina Spektor that is very enjoyable. This is a very solid purchase that if you are a Ben Folds fan, you will enjoy.

The best release he put out this year though, is not the album with new songs, but the album that he did not even perform on. Ben Folds Presents: University A Cappella! is an album that brings a new feel to some really good songs. Ben Folds had several different A Cappella choirs at different universities perform versions of his songs, even a few dating back to his days with Ben Folds Five. These unique tracks offer something new and different to the listener that are quite enjoyable. They really allow the soul of the music to stand out as they have several different soloists from the choirs really stand out on some of the songs. This is by far one of my new favorite releases from any artist that I have heard. It's innovative and enjoyable, and is essential for any fan of either A Cappella or Ben Folds.

Michael Franti & Spearhead - All Rebel Rockers
Grade: B

This release is not quite brand new, but I just finally got around to getting it. In this album, Franti and Spearhead hookup with legendary producers Sly and Robbie. They were definitely feeling the reggae vibes on this album. A political artist and activist, Franti has yet to really see a lot of mainstream play, but "Say Hey (I Love You)" may help get his name out there a little bit. This is a good album, but is not something that non fans of the group will enjoy. If you are a fan, the upbeat feeling of several songs will be a good change of pace to other things that Franti has released. You can definitely feel the Bob Marley and Peter Tosh vibes coming out in some of the songs, as well as maintaining what Michael Franti has become known for lyrically and musically. While I enjoyed it, I recommend it only to fans of Michael Franti & Spearhead. So you should just become one.

Pete Yorn - Back and Fourth
Grade: B+

Pete Yorn is one of those artists that sticks with what works for him as well. Musically his style limits the potential for a lot of musical growth, but it's his lyrics and melodies that make his songs worthwhile. Simple songs that are well organized and have great lyrics always make for enjoyment. Back and Fourth is the fourth full length album from Pete Yorn, and it does not disappoint. My favorite track is "Social Development Dance" because it is one of those masterfully crafted lyrical songs that people can just relate to in some ways. This album surpasses his previous release, and but does not quite reach musicforthemorningafter quality. If you are a Pete Yorn fan, it is a great buy, if you are only into this style a little bit, you may not enjoy, but you can give it a try anyway.

Ben Harper & Relentless7 - White Lies for Dark Times
Grade: A+

I feel like I saved the best for last. I am a huge Innocent Criminals fans, so changing the backing band was not something I was looking forward to, in fact I was hesitant to purchase this album because I thought it might ruin the soul that Ben Harper's music is known for. Boy was I wrong. White Lies for Dark Times is a fantastic album and Relentless7 does a great job. It still holds all of the great Ben Harper soul that you expect from his voice and lyrics, but it brings a true rock feel to the album. Musically, this is one of the best blues/rock releases of any band in a long time. It brings back what to mind the word rock. Solid riffs, great drum fills, and guitar solos put together with one of the greatest singing voices in the industry. It's a never fail. This album, which like most Ben Harper music, will go largely unnoticed to the general pop fan, but for those fans that miss pure rock, grab this album.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. On this day in 1876, Native American forces led by Chiefs Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull defeat the U.S. Army troops of Lieutenant Colonel George Armstrong Custer in a bloody battle near southern Montana's Little Bighorn River. The Battle of Little Bighorn--also called Custer's Last Stand--marked the most decisive Native American victory and the worst U.S. Army defeat in the long Plains Indian War. The gruesome fate of Custer and his men outraged many white Americans and confirmed their image of the Indians as wild and bloodthirsty. Meanwhile, the U.S. government increased its efforts to subdue the tribes. Within five years, almost all of the Sioux and Cheyenne would be confined to reservations.
  2. If George Orwell (pictured) had been one of those people to live into his 100's, well he would have turned 106 today. His real name was Eric Arthur Blair. So go read Animal Farm and get into the Orwell mood...
  3. I still have poison ivy.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Captain Awesome's Guide to Gambling: Poker

So, I guess it's that time again, where I get to post the final post of a series of posts. I don't know if anyone will head my gambling advice, but I feel it is all worthwhile, though not quite as worthwhile as my hunting series of posts.

Today, I am going to make a post on the form of gambling that got me through college, and may even one day be what I do for a living. Either way, we'll see. If you remember correctly, I am a legend of poker now, so I have legitimacy in writing about this. This however will not be in depth, and if you are serious about learning, I would recommend a poker book.

Poker is a very broad term, that is used to play several different forms. Most of you all probably know at least a little bit about 5 Card Draw, which you may have played with you family for pennies when you were growing up. If you didn't do that, then there is still an extremely likely chance that you know something about Texas Holdem, if only from seeing it on one of the many channels on TV that you can see it. In fact, the sudden surge over the last 7-10 years in poker (known also as the poker boom) is largely behind this TV trend (thanks to the WSOP on ESPN or the WPT on the Travel channel, etc.). There is also the online poker boom that has helped inspire this trend of poker players coming of age in the 2000's. I am going to ignore talking about some forms of poker, such as 5 card draw/stud, or Razz, or the hi/lo games, but today will focus on three of the more played games: No Limit/Limit Texas Holdem, 7 card stud, and pot limit Omaha.

I have been playing poker since I can remember. I grew up in a family where gambling is somewhat of a normal thing, so I would play blackjack and 5 card draw for pennies, nickles, and dimes growing up. Over time I go particularly into 7 card stud. 7 card stud may be one of the easier games to learn in poker apart from 5 card draw. This is because you essentially get to see 4 of the other players cards while they bet, and this gives you a pretty decent idea of what they may have (like if they have 4 hearts showing and they are betting it, then a flush is very likely).

In 7 card stud, generally a limit game (your bets are limited based on the size of the blinds/antes), you are dealt 7 total cards. The first three come 2 down, and one up as your hole cards. Bets begin by the lowest up card bringing in a bet. From there the betting begins. You will get get several cards dealt to you face up, before you get your 7th card (the river) dealt face down. Betting will ensue after every card dealt. You are trying to make the best 5 card hand (hand rankings will be posted at the end) out of your 7 cards. After the showdown, the player with the best hand will take the pot.

Another game frequently played in the World Series of Poker (WSOP) and shown on TV, is Omaha. This game is generally played as a pot limit game, meaning you can only bet up to the size of the pot. In this game you are dealt four cards face down, and have 5 community cards that are flopped out in a 3-1-1 sequence known as the flop, turn, and river. You are required to use 2, and only 2 of your 4 hole cards, and 3 of the community cards to make the best possible 5 card hand. Betting ensues preflop, after flop, after turn, and post river before a showdown. The best 5 card hand at the end will take down the pot. This game is tricky to most because they don't understand the rules completely. This is actually one of my top games in the poker realm, and I have actually done quite well over the years when playing Omaha.

The final game is Texas Holdem, the game which many of you have seen on television. In Texas Holdem, you can play limit, pot limit, and no limit (no limit on the amount you can bet at any time). In holdem, you are dealt 2 down cards, and you share 5 community cards, dealt out in the same way as they are in Omaha. The difference is, between your cards and the community cards, your goal is to make the best 5 card hand with the 7 available cards. You do not have to use your hole cards if they don't help out the cards in the community in anyway. The betting order and structure is the same as Omaha.

Here are the hand rankings for all poker games:
  1. Royal Flush (A-K-Q-J-10 of Diamonds, etc.)
  2. Straight Flush (3-4-5-6-7 of Spades, etc.)
  3. 4 of a Kind (Q of Spades, Q of Hearts, Q of Clubs, Q of Diamonds, and any other card)
  4. Full House (A-A-A-K-K)
  5. Flush (2-7-9-J-A of Hearts)
  6. Straight (7-8-9-10-J any suit)
  7. 3 of a Kind (7-7-7-4-A any suit)
  8. 2 Pair (A-A-8-8-3 any suit)
  9. Pair (K-K-5-8-9 any suit)
  10. High Card (A-3-6-10-J any suit)

These games can be played in 2 major scenarios, the first is tournament play (what you have seen on TV), in which you play throughout a period of time, with your entry fee, and when you are busted out, you are no longer playing, or you win by outlasting every other tournament entry.

The other form is known as a ring game or a cash game, in which you buy in for a certain monetary amount, and you can leave at anytime, and you may also rebuy at anytime as well.

There are advantages and disadvantages to every game you play in poker, and if you want to be able to make money playing, I suggest reading books, and playing for free online until you really understand the games and their rules. If you have any specific questions regarding this or any other casino game, please feel free to ask at anytime and I will answer to the best that I can. Hope this helps, and don't forget to tip the dealer every time you rake in a pot. And tip your cocktail waitress as always.

So, stay awesome, and have a good ole hot streak the next time you are in a casino just for Captain Awesome. Enjoy!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Solstice?

Well today is Sunday June 21st. This marks the first day of summer. That would make this the longest day of the year.

Today is also Father's Day, so that makes Father's Day the longest day of the year.

Good thing or bad thing?

All I know is that it has been a decent day, but I've been covered in poison ivy for a week straight. It's not very much fun. I tried to just cover it with ointments and whatnot the first couple of days, but as it got worse I had to get a cortisone shot and some pills to get rid of this shit. It is slowly going away, but it's itchy as shit.

This however did not prevent me from being awesome last night. I still got laid, I just had to keep my shirt on, as my back and sides are covered. I'm just happy that I don't have it on my junk. I've been very careful about that, as I have had poison ivy on my nads, and it is most unpleasant.

Well I don't think this blog was really even necessary, but happy Father's day to all the fathers in the world, whether you know it or not. And if you aren't a father, than have a good Summer Solstice, and go a little wild. It's not a bad day to be awesome, as you have a long and awesome day!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. June 18, 1815: At Waterloo in Belgium, Napoleon Bonaparte suffers defeat at the hands of the Duke of Wellington, bringing an end to the Napoleonic era of European history. Napoleon returned to Paris and on June 22 abdicated in favor of his son. He decided to leave France before counterrevolutionary forces could rally against him, and on July 15 he surrendered to British protection at the port of Rochefort. He hoped to travel to the United States, but the British instead sent him to Saint Helena, a remote island in the Atlantic off the coast of Africa. Napoleon protested but had no choice but to accept the exile. With a group of followers, he lived quietly on St. Helena for six years. In May 1821, he died, most likely of stomach cancer. He was only 51 years old. In 1840, his body was returned to Paris, and a magnificent funeral was held. Napoleon's body was conveyed through the Arc de Triomphe and entombed under the dome of the Invalides.
  2. Sticking with the early 1800's war theme, on June 18, 1812, President James Madison signs into law, the declaration of war against Britain. The American war declaration, opposed by a sizable minority in Congress, had been called in response to the British economic blockade of France, the induction of American seaman into the British Royal Navy against their will, and the British support of hostile Indian tribes along the Great Lakes frontier. A faction of Congress known as the "War Hawks" had been advocating war with Britain for several years and had not hidden their hopes that a U.S. invasion of Canada might result in significant territorial land gains for the United States. In the end, the worthless Brits lost. In fact they even took a beating in New Orleans weeks after the war had officially ended.
  3. I also currently have poison ivy, an affliction that has always been very bad for me. I do believe that this plant and following rash is my mortal enemy in life. I hope it burns in hell, unless of course I am in hell to, then I hope the poison ivy goes to heaven, because I just don't want to be around that shit. It itches so bad, and I just want it to dry up and go away. Of course I am still a fan of Poison Ivy (pictured), a very sexy and seductive archenemy of Batman.

Friday, June 12, 2009

The Great Tobacco Debate

Tobacco is something that has really taken a bad rap over the last 30-40 years. In the first part of the 1900's everyone smoked though. Now, it is becoming the new alcohol (1920-1933). It is being banned in restaurants and bars. Taxes are causing the prices of tobacco to skyrocket. Are we on the way to seeing a ban on tobacco? Will there soon be bootleggers that are growing tobacco? I mean, as of yesterday, the FDA now has full control of the industry (thanks to Philip Morris of course).

Well there probably will be, but my question is this: Would authorities go after illegal tobacco the same way they go after marijuana, cocaine, etc., or will they go after tobacco in the same way they went after alcohol during prohibition?

Would a tobacco prohibition make it a double offense if you were caught with a Cuban cigar?

While I don't smoke cigarettes, or hookah, I don't dip or use any form of spitting tobacco, I do extremely enjoy cigars and pipe tobacco. In fact when I have had a long day, or a long week, sitting back on the back porch with a couple of friends, a glass of scotch or 3, and light up a nice CAO or Rocky Patel, or even a lesser known Kinky Friedman cigar. It is a good way to relieve a little tension if things haven't quite gone your way recently. They are also enjoyable when you are at your local gentleman's club, and also when you are sitting at the blackjack table. If you are playing 18 holes on the links, a cigar is good there. After I nice steak and baked potato, a cigar really finishes the meal nicely. I think you get the picture.

In the city of Dallas, there is now a smoking ban. This means, unless I am in my house or in a smoke shop, then I am not allowed to smoke. I can no longer go have a nice steak and potato at Dunston's and then have a scotch and cigar by the bar. I can no longer sit next to the stage, buy a bottle of liquor and light up a cigar while watching professional dancers take their clothes off at the Men's Club. I can't sit in the park and light a beautifully crafted and luxurious CAO Vision when I am walking around downtown. If there were casinos in Dallas (there has been plenty of talk over the years), the ban would extend there as well. This ruins these places.

You see, now my only option is to get hammered drunk, because the option of a drink or two, sitting back and relaxing and smoking is no longer there. This smoking ban is going to lead to an increase in drunk driving because of this, and it will in fact lead to more people looking to put bans on alcohol, the legal limits, and maybe even age limit to consume and purchase. If we keep letting governments tell us what to do, then you will have to be 25 to drink, you will have to be straight to get married, and you will have to grow tobacco in your closet.

The government, and the Obama administration is way to big. Government needs to be limited in how it interferes with American citizens. We have a Bill of Rights to limit government control. This is not only in regards to tobacco, but it can be seen through abortion rights, gay marriage, gun control, marijuana, and alcohol. As an American citizen, I have every right to own and carry my Colt 1911 .45, drink alcohol until I can no longer function, and smoke a big full bodied cigar, all while getting full contact lap dances from a girl named Ginger, though she looks more like Mary Ann.

But I will still do it anyway, even if the government outlaws these things. Why you ask? Because I'm Captain Awesome, and I do awesome things, that's why...

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. On June 11, 1962, the inescapable prison known as Alcatraz proved to be just the opposite. John and Clarence Anglin and Frank Lee Morris attempt to escape from Alcatraz federal prison. The three men were never seen again, and although some believe that theirs was the only successful getaway from what was known as "The Rock," it is far more likely that they drowned in the chilly water. Four days after their escape, a bag containing photos, which belonged to Clarence Anglin, was found in San Francisco Bay. I suppose that no one will ever know if they escaped or not.
  2. Buddhist monk Quang Duc (pictured) publicly burns himself to death in a plea for President Ngo Dinh Diem to show "charity and compassion" to all religions. Diem, a Catholic who had been oppressing the Buddhist majority, remained stubborn despite continued Buddhist protests and repeated U.S. requests to liberalize his government's policies. More Buddhist monks immolated themselves during ensuing weeks. Madame Nhu, the president's sister-in-law, referred to the burnings as "barbecues" and offered to supply matches. In November 1963, South Vietnamese military officers assassinated Diem and his brother during a coup.
  3. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in- law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month we know today as the honeymoon.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Captain Awesome's Guide to Gambling: Blackjack

With only two casino games left, I had to make a choice of what I wanted to end the series with, poker (Texas Holdem, Omaha, Stud, etc.) or blackjack. I have decided to end it with poker (sometime next week) and will spend today talking about blackjack.

The classic game of 21 is my favorite thing to do in a casino, by far. The problem is that blackjack is a cruel mistress. She can be so good to you, and within minutes she is ripping your soul out of you from your ass (and wallet). Generally I play by the book blackjack. So when people play randomly and out of nowhere, and it costs me money, I get very upset and angry.

This will be a blog coming from a 2 week gambling binge, in both Oklahoma and Louisiana, that was quite the whirlwind of gambling for me. Very up and down, that in end left me evenish (though I did have some random good luck by hitting the number 4 twice in a row in roulette...) The picture comes from my 21st birthday where I am playing a little blackjack at Caesar's in Vegas.

The object of blackjack is to get your cards as close to 21 as possible and to beat the dealer's hand. The dealer must hit to 17, and he stands on 17-21 (some places they hit a soft 17, some places they don't). Your goal is to hit until you can beat one of those hands. You must always assume that the card that you cannot see is a 10/face, because there are more of those cards than anything else in the deck. So if the dealer has an 8 showing, then you assume that he has an 18, which means you will need to hit your hard 15 to have a chance to win the hand.

Winning money is not done simply by winning hands and getting blackjacks. You win money in this game by optimizing your bets when you have quality hands against a dealer bust card (2-6 showing). You can do this by splitting your pair or doubling down your 10's and 11's. You never split 5's.

I could get into card counting in this blog, but honestly there is no real point, because while in the past it has been quite effective for me. It's not worth knowing how to do unless you have the money behind you to really make your bets big when the count is good. You are welcome to read about it outside of this blog, and I recommend Bringing Down the House. I use the +/- system when counting, as in I give those values to cards. It is explained in the book, and somewhat explained the movie 21. This is going to be my only mention of counting cards, which is not cheating despite what the casinos and popular opinion tell you. Using intelligence is fair to help the odds somewhat in your favor. The casino does everything it can to make sure that the odds are always in their favor, so you should be allowed to do the same.

The basic chart for playing blackjack is posted below. This strategy is generally considered the by the book play, that will help tilt the odds a fraction to give you a better opportunity than just playing your "gut." In the outline, "H" means you will hit the hand, "D" is for double down, "S" is for stand, and "P" is when you want to split. The only odd colored one is the hard sixteen. The correct play is to always hit it unless you have two eights, in which case you split them in most cases. If you have a 16 against a dealer 17-20/21 then you should either always hit it, or never hit it. Consistency will usually pay off in the game of blackjack. That's probably the best advice I can give you.

I hope this is helpful, and remember, that blackjack is a team game for the table. Don't play like a fucktard and be happy if you get away with it and win and the rest of the table loses. Play correctly and do what you can in regards to strategy to help the table all beat the dealer. Essentially your goal should be to play to where the dealer is going to have to bust. If the dealer busts, than everyone is going to be a winner, and that is what is key. If you aren't going to play correct blackjack strategy, then I ask you to never sit at a table with me. I will become angry and say unkind things about you and your mother.

So until next time, may all the luck go your way. Remember to tip your dealers (blackjack dealers like to have you bet for them, as opposed to just tipping) and tip your cocktail waitress. Don't forget to be awesome when you are playing this awesome yet cruel mistress known as blackjack.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. I (pictured) have always known that my Sun sign was Leo (hence the lion picture), and all the traits are about correct. But I also learned that I have a Moon sign, and it would appear that I am either a Taurus or an Aries. Reading the description of both, I think I am more of the Aries. Either way I found it a little interesting. But all signs aside, I'm just the same old Captain Awesome. You see, even in Ménage à trois, you can learn something about me, and not just other people...
  2. Since I like to show equality sometimes, and I have a fondness for the ladies, I feel I should mention that on June 4, 1919, Congress passed the 19th Amendment and sent it out to the states to be ratified. For those of you who do not know anything about American policies, history or suffrage, the 19th Amendment is what gives women the right to vote. It disallowed discrimination of sex at the polling places. This would be ratified on August 18, 1920 after Tennessee became the 30th state to ratify it. The last 18 states would follow suit eventually after it had been rejected. The states that rejected it originally are Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, Alabama, South Carolina, Georgia, Louisiana, and Mississippi. Other states just took their time to ratify it, but never rejected it, they are Connecticut, Vermont, Florida and North Carolina. Mississippi did not ratify the 19th Amendment until 1984 after it was rejected in 1920. Hawaii and Alaska became states after the it was part of the Constitution. Texas was the 9th state to ratify it, doing so within 24 days after Congress passed it.
  3. On June 4, 1989, Chinese troops storm through Tienanmen Square in the center of Beijing, killing and arresting thousands of pro-democracy protesters. The brutal Chinese government assault on the protesters shocked the West and brought denunciations and sanctions from the United States. The savagery of the Chinese government's attack shocked both its allies and Cold War enemies. Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev declared that he was saddened by the events in China. He said he hoped that the government would adopt his own domestic reform program and begin to democratize the Chinese political system. In the United States, editorialists and members of Congress denounced the Tienanmen Square massacre and pressed for President George Bush to punish the Chinese government. A little more than three weeks later, the U.S. Congress voted to impose economic sanctions against the People's Republic of China in response to the brutal violation of human rights.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

A word on Gay Marriage.

So, as you may have seen in previous blogs, I have the tendency to get a little political at times. Today I am going to do the same. I would like to speak to everyone about something that is becoming a very important issue: Gay Marriage. I only have this on my mind because I watched Milk recently...

This blog is not going to be long and filled with fire and brimstone. You see in general I look at myself as a conservative when it comes to things like the government, economic policy, international relations, health care, etc. As in the government should be small, stay out of the economic cycle, go to war with anyone we can beat when we need something they have, and keep health care privatized. Everyone should also be allowed to purchase and carry a firearm legally. I, myself carry a .45 caliber pistol (Colt 1911 Commander) most of the time (I love Texas).

In regards to certain other subjects however; I would be considered rather liberal. While I don't personally believe in "sma-smortion" (clearly I mean abortion), I do believe that everyone is entitled to their own choice. I also believe in equal rights to citizens of the United States (immigrants need to be legal to obtain these rights). This includes, and pardon my complete lack of trying to be politically correct, the queer population. Actually, that may have been a politically correct way to say that, so nevermind.

I am not gay myself, and I can only say that I am friends with only a very small number of gay dudes, but I think they should be allowed to get married. But my reasoning is a little different then most people's reasoning. You see most people think that marriage should be allowed to all people, and that could be a man and woman, a man and gorilla, two poofs, or to lady lovers that look hot when they scissor each other. Other people think some old guy on a star, who created heaven and earth said marriage is between and man and woman and just that. I'm not in either opinion, because well I just don't give a shit. If you want to stick your penis in another man's pooper, but you want him wearing a ring, then so be it. If you want to say that two dudes putting their penis' in the other's butts is morally wrong and they shouldn't be allowed to do that while wearing a wedding ring, well you have your opinion as well.

As for me, I think gay marriage should be allowed for one big reason followed by a few little reasons. The big one... I really like weddings. Gay marriage would increase the number of weddings that I can crash, so that is awesome. When crashing these weddings, you have to remember, gay guys generally have really hot girlfriends that they can hook you up with. It would make scoring at wedding that much easier. I mean, what gay guy wouldn't want to help his straight friend that supports marriage hook up with his hot girlfriend?

I also really love cake and champagne, I mean who doesn't? Gay guys stereotypically have very good taste, so I can only assume that they would have really good cake and champagne at the wedding. I mean so that's just awesome. So even if you don't get laid by a hot girl at the gay wedding, well you still get to eat really good cake and get drunk off of good champagne.

Also the government could make more money because they would be banking on the increased number of marriage certificates that they are selling at however much those things cost wherever the wedding would occur. In fact, now that I think about it, that could help solve our economic crisis. Just another reason to legalize gay marriage.

So in conclusion, whenever the opportunity arises for you to put the issue to vote, think of all the positives that come along with allowing it. That's all I've got to say. Vote yes on gay marriage. Weddings are awesome, so Captain Awesome approves of ALL of them.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Baseball Ejections and Blow Ups...

So here is the deal. Carlos Zambrano took an ejection to heart this past week (pictured), and took his frustration out on a Gatorade machine. This led ESPN to create a list of top 10 meltdowns. For some reason I have yet to appear on it. Probably because mine was not caught on film. Drew Farmer, believes that had it been recorded, I would no doubt be number 1. This has been backed up by all who were playing that day, and who were in the stands. It is a moment that I am truly proud of. It is something that I hope will be remembered as one of the greatest sports meltdowns of all time. Much better than Big Z's recent meltdown...

This is the version that I posted on my myspace blog after it occurred in 2007. The only changes made were for grammatical and spelling errors.

"So here is the deal, I was kind of in charge of the North Texas baseball team during the 2007 season with Will Cummings, and we had a pretty decent team. We were in first place up till the last weekend where we kind of fell apart as a team, though some people egged on a lot on in team fighting throughout the season and it hurt the team more than they think, as in every little thing that went wrong me and Will were blamed, kind of bullshit, but whatever, on to the story...

So, last game of the year, at home against Texas Tech at this time the score is 4-2 Texas Tech in the top of the 8th. We had just made a pitching change, after our first reliever out of the bullpen struggled to find the strike zone. The bases are loaded and apparently Tech's runner on second was relaying signs into the hitter, and well the pitcher who had just been pulled didn't take kindly to it, and he, well he pretty much called their runner on second a "fucking piece of shit, cunt ass, fucking bush league, who is playing bullshit bush league baseball." That's not quite a direct quote, but close enough, well the umpire tosses him. So as a coach, I now have a job to do, so I run out to argue his point of he wasn't cussing at the umpire, but at the player and that doesn't warrant an ejection without a warning (which of course that type of language is actually grounds for an ejection, but I still had to argue). So after a short discussion, I'm walking back, and the ejected player screams, "this is bullshit." Now the umpire at this point tosses me out because he thought it was me. So essentially I have been ejected from a game for doing absolutely nothing...it wouldn't stay an ejection for nothing. At the point of my ejection I sprint back out to the field out which point I dropped so many f-bombs that I don't think I even made a coherent sentence. I told him he was a worthless piece of shit motherfucking cock sucking limp dicked bastard who only knows his own asshole cause his head is shoved so far up his ass, its all he's seen. After that tirade I decide to make it a point that my ejection was bullshit, at which point as I'm walking off I yell, "Fuck you and your mother!" and while I am walking off I take off my jersey and undershirt, and throw it over the fence. I take off my baseball cleats and throw those over the fence, I then undo my pants, remove my cup and pants and toss that over the fence, so now I am standing on the field wearing my sliding shorts and socks...nothing else. I go into the dugout, grab my bag and toss that out the dugout door, then follow up with another "you are a fucking fuck bag at which point I am now removed from the field and dugout. Once outside I decided to put on a t-shirt and wind pants and make my way to the stands (Bobby Valentine style, without the fake mustache). From there I am quiet until the Texas Tech douche bag who was relaying signs and started all the problems walked up to the plate, and my quote was as he called 'time' three times before allowing our pitcher to throw, "Hey fuck bag, why are you calling time, couldn't get the sign relayed in on time, you piece of shit. It's ok, we don't mind waiting for you to get the sign, you blow monkey ass anyway." After which I believe he struck out and I yelled, "I guess fastball was relayed, didn't help you there fuck bag." Then the umpire stops play and has me leave the stands. About 20 minutes later the game is over and we lost 6-4. Mostly cause our team was dead, and this lead to more infighting where I was blamed for the entire season by the one guy who was most important in leading to all the infighting that truly hurt the team. This guy never said anything if he started, but anytime we had a game he didn't start, he decided to call me out on every little thing like a douche bag, but hey, I can't help he gets offended at everything and takes everything as a slight toward him. Anyway, so we didn't win our division and Will got an earful from the head of the boss man at North Texas who was in charge of our funding, who happened to make his only appearance of the year at that game. So fuck him, fuck the guy who started the team infighting, fuck the tool who was relaying signs and fuck the season. Good luck next year guys, you're gonna need it.

I hope you all have enjoyed this blog, there is probably a little unneeded parts, but there were some things I needed to get off my chest, along with the funny story. My only regret is I didn't throw a chair onto a field and yell "let's make it official." If you know what I'm talking about I will give you a high five next time I see you, if you don't know where that came from feel free to ask me. Thanks for reading."

Hopefully the good folks at ESPN get wind of this ejection, and we can do a reenactment and then it can be number 1, maybe number two behind Phillip Wellman. And I must also admit I don't have the reputation or status of guys like Lou Piniella, Billy Martin, or Bobby Cox. But I'll be damned if I still don't have one of the finer moments in baseball ejection history. But then again, I am also Captain Awesome, so it could just be expected of me to have the best, so there is no need to talk about it...