Well I guess I’ll go ahead and dive right into it. I’ll start off easy. All of those stupid liberals that know absolutely nothing about government, politics, and economics who follow only what they read in some stupid newspaper. They bother me and the northeast is full of them. I can’t but help notice that every liberal state has outstanding taxes (which I learned the hard way in New York, but that’s a different point) and their unemployment is outrageous and their state is in debt and in the case of a couple, close to filing bankruptcy. Look at the states that are very conservative and Republican, like Texas and Oklahoma; these states have a surplus despite a tough economic situation in the country and their unemployment rate is significantly lower than the national average. So liberals should shut the fuck up and learn to be awesome and not be stupid trendy tools. Give me guns, no state income tax, the death penalty, and a white conservative in power any day.
Reason number two is simple. Driving in NYC blows ass. Why can’t people in New York learn to drive?
Reason number three goes back to the taxing situation. Overtaxing has destroyed the states of New York and California. CA is on it’s way to filing bankruptcy and New York has almost no businesses and factories left up there. They have taxed the hell out of companies leading them to move their operations to the Midwest and the south. This leads to unemployment. How stupid can they really be? Texas doesn’t even have a state income tax. People have extra money because home rates and the cost of living is ridiculously low. Thank God I am a Texan. I mean I don’t have to pay taxes on drinking at bars and restaurants in Texas. In NYC they screw the shit out of you on that.
Number four is also important. Most of the bars I visited over a period of a couple of days blew my mind. Where are all the fucking rabbits and whales? I was in a bar last night looking to have a good ole awesome time and I walk in and there are about 17 dudes playing darts and one girl watching them. What the hell is up with that? I have never been in a bar with that bad of a ratio. I saw this in Long Island, Brooklyn, and even to a degree in Manhattan, but the bars in Manhattan blow because they are tourist traps that over charge the fuck out of their drinks. $9.00 for a Crown Royal on the rocks? I better have overly large and probably fake tits being rubbed in my face if I am going to overpay for a drink like that. I will say I have yet to visit every possible location to have pure evidence that this is the case, so more research will go into reason number four.
Reason number five has to be that damn New York/New Jersey accent. I mean I can understand if people don’t like the Texas accent that you may see in places like Ft. Worth or Lubbock, but honestly most people love that hick accent. It’s fun and on the right rabbit pretty damn sexy. New Yorkers just sound ignorant.
Reason number six has to come in regards to my hate for the Yankees and the Giants.
As you can see my hate for the stupid Big Apple doesn’t go unfounded. People are probably going to hate that I hate NYC. For some reason there is some stupid love of all things New York from people. Probably it’s for the same reason that people are liberals. I guess they think it’s trendy to like places like New York. And don’t try to bring up the point that I just don’t like liberal places, because I happen to like L.A., Boston, and Austin. New York City just doesn’t have that awesomeness that I, as Captain Awesome, have come to expect out of the cities that I travel to.
Well enough with that. I will be in Dallas within two hours from now, and of course you will be reading this long after it’s written, but I think I will have to go be legendary soon to counter the un-legendary time I had in NYC, except for when I had a cop laugh at me because I was drunkenly peeing in an alleyway in Floral Park. He was a nice guy who let me off because I was from Texas. I wouldn’t have paid the ticket anyway though.