Tuesday, December 29, 2009

More pussy college football players.

Well ESPN and another pussy ass college athlete will likely be getting another coach fired. Good luck Mike Leach, looks like you should have jumped ship from that shit hole in Lubbock when you had the chance.

You and Mangino should get together and build your own football team and school. I bet the two of you could put together a pretty kickass team. I would even donate money to pay for uniforms, or I would teach at your college...

Does anyone else think it's ironic that the player who is a little bitch is the son of a ESPN employee and sports analyst?

I'm so fucking sick of this shit. He is probably making this shit up to get more air time. Once again, fuck ESPN. Being in the dark for a concussion is a good thing. Fucking idiots.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Dear Mark Mangino & ESPN (part 2), and Univ. of Kansas,

Dear Mark Mangino,

I fought for you buddy. It blows. My new goal is to get you hired as the Univ. of North Texas coaching job. They can't hold on to that shitfuck Dodge forever.

Hell Dickey should still be the coach. That school of which I am an alumni is run by idiots, so on second thought, you don't want to coach there. Of course Wade Phillips may be gone in a few weeks...

Keep on being a coach.


Captain Awesome

Letter 2:

Dear ESPN,

Do you fuckfaces really have to keep up this shit? Your job is to talk sports. You got a good football coach fired. Now look what you're doing to Tiger Woods.

Tiger is a golfer. So ESPN, your job is to talk about what he is doing out on the links. It is not your job to talk about him banging some other slut. If I gave a shit who Tiger Woods was banging, I'd read the National Fucking Enquirer. When I want to see what's going on in the sports world, I watch ESPN.

But nooooo. You have fuckface anchors that don't know enough about sports, so they are now in the gossip scene. As of this minute they are talking about Hines Ward talking about how Big Ben (who has his own awesome sex stories) and how he should have played.

If Ben wants to be a pussy, fine. The NFL is full of them. I played in the same game on the two separate occasions of my concussions, one in football and one in baseball. You want to know why I did it? Cause I'm not a fucking shitbreath pussy that complains about a headache. I take some Advil and kick ass.

You shouldn't be talking about what Hines Ward said ESPN, you should be talking about how the NFL should be called the NPL. For those of you who have no idea what NPL stands for, it the National Pussy League. If I were getting paid millions of dollars to throw and hand off footballs, I wouldn't be a little bitch about a headache because some meanie on the other side hit me hard...

Anyway, ESPN, please go back to being a sports network.


Captain Awesome

Letter 3:

Dear University of Kansas,

Why the fuck would you fire a coach that gave you a shot at having a decent football team (I'm aware it was a "resignation")?

Oh is it because you have no idea what a football coach does? Or is it that you fuckheads watch the fuckasses on ESPN?

You and the people that run North Texas athletics should get together and swap stories or something.


Captain Awesome

Monday, November 30, 2009

No Shave November part 2

So for those of you are may have tried and failed, or tried and succeeded, or didn't try at all...

Well have no fear because Captain Awesome succeeded. I have gone 30 solid days without the touch of a razor. I kind of like it... (see picture)

This may lead to a continuation. Can there be a No Shave December? Of course there can. Will I do it? Well maybe for a little while. I don't know if I'm gonna stay at the Hard Rock in Vegas, or go out on NYE as Grizzly Adams, but I think I may go through law school finals without shaving.

Speaking of law school finals, they began today as I had a 24 hour, 2,500 word Civil Procedure final. I came in at 2,412, I see it as an almost perfect paper. It better be too, since it's worth 100% of my grade...

I also have completed my 200 beers at Flying Saucer and I will be immortalized in the "Ring of Honor" as I get my plate on the wall. I would like to thank Wells Fargo for supplying me with the student loans to pay for the beers, though a year of working helped out too. I would also like to thank Texas Wesleyan Law School for being six blocks from the Fort Worth Flying Saucer and for being a reason for me to drink. I must also thank Negro Willie for being a drinking buddy as he is also in his quest to finish 200. And I guess I should thank my family for supporting my love of beer habit, and Flying Saucer for being so awesome.

If you are in Fort Worth, Texas and happen to be downtown on December 18th, stop by and congratulate Captain Awesome and bask in the awesomeness that he is. Just don't forget to suit up!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Dear Mark Mangino & ESPN,

Here are two letters I am working on, enjoy:

Letter 1:

Dear Mark Mangino,

I am totally on your side. Here is why:

You are a college football coach. It is your job, to yell scream, bitch, curse, and insult your players. It is not your job to coddle some pussies and cunts. Those cockfucks are college athletes, and football players at that. They are getting a free fucking education to play football at an extremely high level. If they don't like being insulted and yelled at for playing like shit, or making stupid fucktards, then they should be at home in some shit town in Kansas or Nebraska, or Oklahoma, working at a fucking Sonic.

You are a hard working football coach. You could probably cut back on the sweets a little, but it's not your job to apologize to some pansy ass football players who can't take aggressive criticism.

In conclusion, keep on being an ass and never apologize. I hope you keep your job. I am now a Kansas football fan because you are coaching the right way. You don't coach like a little bitch. Just don't beat your wife like that Cable guy in Oakland. When Wade Phillips is fired from the Cowboys, I want to throw you name into the Dallas hat for coaching. Though Tony Romo is a little bitch, so you'll have to whip into shape.

Yours Truly,

Captain Awesome

Letter 2:

Dear ESPN,

Fucking leave Mangino alone for god-sakes. The guy is coaching his ass off for players that can't play for shit. He has every right to make sure they know.

Also, why the fuck is Chris Berman still working for ESPN if you are going to be little cunts to football coaches who are happen to say things that are rude to people. If you don't know what I am talking about watch this video.

Chris Berman is a horrible sports anchor that nobody likes. In fact 80% of the tools on ESPN don't belong there. They don't know sports. They get facts and names incorrect all the fucking time. You need sports fans doing that shit. On some fag that spent 4 years in college getting a shitty communication degree and decided sports would be "fun" even though he never played or watched any sporting events, and his father doesn't love him because he throws like a girl. Mike Greenberg and Tony Kornheiser, yes I am talking about you.

In conclusion, your programming blows. I only watch Sportscenter because you have a monopoly on the sports programming market. Maybe one day you and Disney and ABC will figure out how to hire the right people to talk sports on the TV and radio. So until then, go fuck yourselves and leave head coaches who yell, and cuss, and abuse alone. They have every right to do that.


Captain Awesome

Thursday, October 29, 2009

No Shave November

So I am still working on that fantasically hilarious blog for my readership, but right now I want to tell you about something else...No Shave November...

No Shave November is a thing of manliness and beastliness in which men (and some women) go the whole month without a razor touching any part of you skin. This is done for several reasons:
  • To make those guys who shave all their body hair feel like less of men, because they aren't manly, they are just tools.
  • Because beards are awesome, and it gives you a good reason to get a good one going.
  • To support research and awareness of testicular cancer.
What you do is on October 31st (or a day or 2 earlier) you shave off your beard if you have one, or just shave your stubble or whatnot. Only a mustache is allowed at the start, and then you just don't shave until December 1st. This includes: back, arm, chest, leg, shoulder, facial, and head hair. NO FUCKING RAZORS!

So for whatever reason you choose to partake, do it and don't pussy out.

Yours Truly, Captain Awesome, a support of testicular cancer awareness. (pictured)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Trying to Unlock My Inner Hemingway

So it has clearly been a long time since I have posted as my black friend Negro Willie (pictured) has pointed out. If you read this blog, then you know that I am currently in law school. This has kept me from really being inspired from writing something clever. I have been buried in casebooks reading hundreds of pages, writing papers, and learning what it will take to be a practicing lawyer. For those of you who may be unaware, lawyers are a different kind of writers...

Writing has come tough, because I feel like I have lost my creative and clever ability to make people laugh. I can now only write rules, applications, and thesis sentences. I have decided I am going to budget some more time to really put together some solid blog writing. The people who I know that read this blog have told me that I do write some good and clever blogs, so I am going to make an effort to put out some quality work.

I am going to delve in deep and bring out my inner Hemingway. I am going to write something like I am fucking Hunter S. Thompson. It may take some time, but I am going to astonish your readers with something good. If I don't dazzle you with my wits, well in a few years I'll have that legal background to fall back on.

So If you haven't read all the past blogs, then go ahead and look back at some of them, maybe you can be re-dazzled...

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Not this week

Sorry, but there isn't a Ménage à trois for this week. I will be blogging about Oktoberfest, but I'm waiting till the weekend.

Sorry if this upsets you.

-Captain Awesome

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. Defensive Driving blows.
  2. On this day in 1787, the Constitution of the United States of America is signed by 38 of 41 delegates present at the conclusion of the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia. Supporters of the document waged a hard-won battle to win ratification by the necessary nine out of 13 U.S. states.
  3. On this day in 1862, Confederate General Robert E. Lee's Army of Northern Virginia and Union General George B. McClellan's Army of the Potomac fight to a standstill along a Maryland creek on the bloodiest day in American history. Although the battle was a tactical draw, it forced Lee to end his invasion of the North and retreat back to Virginia.
Short this week, I know, but Oktoberfest is this weekend, so a good blog may be on the way.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Fire Ron Washington

I have been leading this train since he was interviewed. Why won't the Rangers listen. He knows nothing of managing baseball, all he knows is fielding instruction. Knowing that when managing a big league team is like knowing to hit your best hitter third.

Fire Ron Washington. I mean look at this guy. He clearly doesn't know anything about baseball. He looks like a guy they grabbed off the streets who they felt bad for and so they gave him a job.

Worthless and unawesome. He might have been highered to please Kanye West.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Fucking Kanye West

Of course I have to blog about that shit (even though I didn't see it live, I just got wind of it via facebook after the fact, thanks to TMZ, I did see the video though). It will be short, but wow...

I think the best quote I've read is, "Kanye West is just a big gay fish."

Why does he hate white people? Is it because Taylor sings country music, so he assumes she is a racist? Probably, I mean the guy probably pulled the same shit when KFC went grilled on his ass. And he probably only would go off on KFC for going grilled because he knows white people like grilled chicken. Well I got news for you Kanye, white people like fried chicken too you racist fuck.

Is it sad that in a matter of moments the guy can lose all credibility in the world just for being a racist cockbag? Probably, I will say, I wish I had supported 50 Cent in the top seller contest they had a few years back. Can I get a recount?

Well I guess this leads to another point...Why is it ok for black people to be racist, but not white people? Is the only reason because of the history of the world? Fuck that shit.

Either way Kanye will probably experience some black on black crime soon anyway, unless "Wolf" from American Gladiators finds him first.

So not awesome Kanye, you fucktard. Did I mention that I love Taylor Swift? She is awesome.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Ménage à trois

So, I have not been writing all that much, I know. Law School has kept me fairly busy in reading, and in my free time, I haven't really felt the want or need to take the time to make this blog good. I will do my best to keep Ménage à trois going, but as for other blogs, they will be few and far between until Christmas break. Anyway, here is today's Ménage à trois...
  1. September 10, 1931, Crime boss Salvatore Maranzano is shot and stabbed to death in New York City by four men working for Charles "Lucky" Luciano, one of the flashiest figures in organized crime. At one time, Luciano was living at the Waldorf Astoria and taking in over a million dollars a year, while declaring only a small income. He was always seen with a Broadway showgirl on his arm, although he reportedly had a fondness for prostitutes in private.
  2. On this day in 1833, President Andrew Jackson announces that the government will no longer use the Second Bank of the United States, the country’s national bank. He then used his executive power to remove all federal funds from the bank, in the final salvo of what is referred to as the "Bank War."
  3. Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. On this day in 1939, in response to Hitler's invasion of Poland, Britain and France, both allies of the overrun nation declare war on Germany. The first casualty of that declaration was not German-but the British ocean liner Athenia, which was sunk by a German U-30 submarine that had assumed the liner was armed and belligerent. There were more than 1,100 passengers on board, 112 of whom lost their lives. Of those, 28 were Americans, but President Roosevelt was unfazed by the tragedy, declaring that no one was to "thoughtlessly or falsely talk of America sending its armies to European fields." The United States would remain neutral.
  2. Charlie Sheen is 44 today. That guy plays nothing but awesome characters, so I think you should have a drink for him.
  3. I graduated from the same university (University of North Texas) as Roy Orbison, Thomas Hayden Church, Peter Weller, and Dr. Phil (pictured).

Monday, August 31, 2009

A Captain Awesome Music Review

So the last time I did a music review, I reviewed several albums that had recently come out by several of my favorite musicians. Today, a new release from my all time favorite band came out (I had it downloaded last night around 10:30 courtesy of iTunes).

The Black Crowes released Before the Frost today. This is the second studio release since the band got back together in 2005 after a 4 year hiatus. If you purchase the CD in stores you'll get a download code for a second album titled Until the Freeze. If you use iTunes, then you'll get both downloaded together. This was done as a goodwill gesture to the fans of the Crowes over the years. Since I am only doing one album review today, I will put together my own Black Crowes greatest hits list that you can download, which in my opinion will be a little different then the one they released about 10 years ago. Anyway on to the review...
The Black Crowes- Before the Frost... Until the Freeze
Grade: A

It's hard to write a review of your favorite bands, particularly because you'll like just about everything they put out. I, to this day have yet to hear anything from several bands anything I just hated. This is extremely true in the case of the Black Crowes. I have seen them live in concert eight times, in 3 different states, and in 5 different cities. I saw them before they took they're hiatus, and several times after. I even had tickets when they were touring with Jimmy Page, but the Dallas show was cancelled... Needless to say I enjoy the southern rock sounds of the Crowes. The two studio albums released in the last two years though have had a different sound then the Crowes music before. Warpaint was an average at best release and seemed to point to a lack of trying in a way towards the Crowes. In fact if you remember, Rolling Stone was giving it bad reviews even before they heard it. While it had it's moments, overall as a Crowes fan, it was disappointing in comparison to albums like Shake Your Money Maker, Amorica, and the Southern Harmony and Musical Companion.

The new release shows hints of all their collective works. Warpaint showed a lot of country hints in it, and Before the Frost is no different. They have ventured away from the riff rock and blues combination they became known for in songs like "Hard to Handle", "Remedy", and "Jealous Again." They have really come to terms with their southern roots. They have taken those guitar riffs, the blues lyrics, and infused it with a little pedal steel guitar and turned it into a southern rock country album with some hints of bluegrass and blues. Just play the track "Garden Gate" and you can immediately feel and hear the bluegrass sound that the Crowes have brought us in this album. It makes you feel like the songs could have been written and released while they were performing in Atlanta during the Civil War in the 1860's. This though is not what you get from every single song. It is a good mix of music from the Crowes, and quite enjoyable.

I recommend this album to anyone who is a Crowes fan of course, but I think if you like any of the following genres, then you need to listen to this album. If you like: country, bluegrass, blues, rock, southern rock, you will find yourself enjoying these sounds. Just think James Taylor meets Bob Dylan meets Garth Brooks meets Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young meets Led Zeppelin meets Robert Johnson... You get it all, and so I think you should jump onto iTunes, or run over to Best Buy, or Walmart and pick this bad boy up. You'll even hear a few hints of the old Crowes in some of the songs, like "Greenhorn." Just do yourself and pick it up, now for that Greatest Hits...
Captain Awesome's Greatest Hits for the Black Crowes:
1. "Seeing Things"- Shake Your Money Maker
2. "She Talks to Angels"- Shake Your Money Maker
3. "Thorn in my Pride"- Southern Harmony and Musical Companion
4. "Sometimes Salvation" - Southern Harmony and Musical Companion
5. "My Morning Song"- Southern Harmony and Musical Companion
6. "Nonfiction"- Amorica
7. "Ballad in Urgency"- Amorica
8. "Wiser Time"- Amorica
9. "Descender"- Amorica
10. "Good Friday"- Three Snakes and One Charm
11. "How Much For Your Wings?"- Three Snakes and One Charm
12. "Welcome to the Goodtimes"- By Your Side
13. "No Use Lying"- Lions
14. "Soul Singing"- Lions
15. "Miracle to Me"- Lions
16. "Wee Who See the Deep"- Warpaint
17. "I Ain't Hiding"- Before the Frost
18. "Houston Don't Dream About Me"- Before the Frost
Well there you have it, and yes I am aware that I am leaving off some of their most popular songs like "Remedy", "Jealous Again", "Twice as Hard", "Only a Fool", and "Hard to Handle." I did this because while they were popular songs and are good songs, they would not in my opinion be classified as the BEST (but still very good) Black Crowes songs, just some of the most popular. I hope you try and download some of these songs, they are a good collection of The Black Crowes, who are an awesome band...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. Well it's a special occasion today, because well... This edition of Ménage à trois is the 99th blog post for Captain Awesome (pictured). I know, on that rainy and cold December morning in 2008, you never would have thought that Captain Awesome would have kept this going on for as long as he had. Well if you thought that, you aren't awesome. If you had faith in the Captain, you are indeed awesome. Anyway, wish me some congratulations or something. Anyway, I wanted to point out my 99th post, well because everyone talks about their 100th post, and I wanted to break that trend. My 100th post will come soon, but not today.
  2. On this day in 1904, Newport, Rhode Island, imposed the first jail sentence for a speeding violation on this day. This was a harsh sentence in 1904 because traffic laws were still relatively new--the first traffic code wasn't implemented until 1903, when New York introduced a two-page book of regulations. Early traffic regulations varied drastically from state to state, some having no speed limits at all.
  3. Ironically, on this day in 1938, Captain George Eyston established a new land speed record of 345.49mph when he sailed over the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah in a Rolls-Royce-powered Thunderbolt. The land-speed trials have been held every year since 1903, serving as a test of automotive technology and proof of climbing speeds. Captain Eyston's record was especially memorable, for it was one of the few years that the record was not held by Malcolm Campbell, who dominated the trials for almost 30 years. The current record is held by Andy Green at 763.035mph.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Fantasy Football is in the air.

So everyone who has a penis, and even a few with a vagina, they know that they have to set aside at least 1 day toward the end of August every year. Why you ask? Well football season is upon us at that point. Even more important, the new fantasy football season is upon us.

While I have yet to find any real success in the playoffs in recent years (I finished third two years ago), I feel that after the draft I have the best team for success this year. I have decided to let you readers evaluate my picks. I held the 9th pick overall out of a 12 team league, in a draft that is set up to snake. So here we go:
Scoregasm (2009)
Round, (Pick):
1, (9): LaDainian Tomlinson, RB (SD) (pictured)
2, (16): Brian Westbrook, RB (PHI)
3, (33): Jason Witten, TE (DAL)
4, (40): T.J. Houshmandzadeh, WR (SEA)
5, (57): Carson Palmer, QB (CIN)
6, (64): Santana Moss, WR (WAS)
7, (81): Jerricho Cotchery, WR (NYJ)
8, (88): Larry Johnson, RB (KC)
9, (105): Dallas, DEF/ST (DAL)
10, (112): Matt Hasselbeck, QB (SEA)
11, (129): Patrick Crayton, WR (DAL)
12, (136): Sebastian Janikowski, K (OAK)
13, (153): Laurence Maroney, RB (NE)
14, (160): Todd Heap, TE (BAL)

I feel like I have the best starting lineup potential. Health I think will be a huge issue. The health of Carson Palmer, Matt Hasselbeck, Brian Westbrook, and of course LaDainian Tomlinson. They are going to be my key players this season, and they all have dealt with some form of injury of the past year. Either way, I smell championship. This team is awesome, but then again I am Captain Awesome. I will keep updates throughout the year and let you know how awesome I am doing.

Another note, I have survived week one of law school, and I am starting to get into full gear on that shit now. Of course I keep putting off my reading tonight. As I finish this I will be reading Property and Torts for class tomorrow. I am starting to get the hang of briefing cases. Good start.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. On this day in 1920, seven men, including legendary all-around athlete and football star Jim Thorpe, meet to organize a professional football league at the Jordan and Hupmobile Auto Showroom in Canton, Ohio. The meeting led to the creation of the American Professional Football Conference (APFC), the forerunner to the hugely successful National Football League. The APFA began play on September 26, with the Rock Island Independents of Illinois defeating a team from outside the league, the St. Paul Ideals, 48-0. A week later, Dayton beat Columbus 14-0 in the first game between two teams from the APFA, the forerunner of the modern NFL.
  2. On this day in 1989, Lyle and Erik Menendez (pictured) shoot their parents, Jose and Kitty, to death in the den of the family's Beverly Hills, California, home. They then drove up to Mulholland Drive, where they dumped their shotguns before continuing to a local movie theater to buy tickets as an alibi. When the pair returned home, Lyle called 911 and cried, "Somebody killed my parents!" The Menendez murders became a national sensation when the new television network, Court TV, broadcast the trial in 1993.
  3. There are several celebrity birthdays today, so I'm going to wish them a happy one. Well first is Demi Lovato, who is actually from Dallas. So that's pretty awesome, but she is only 17, so that's not. A better birthday wish next year maybe? But also Amy Adams, Robert Plant, Fred Durst, and Al Roker. The late Issac Hayes would also have had a birthday today, but we lost him last August.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Pudge is a Ranger Again...

So, I feel like I have to be a true Rangers fan again. I've been fighting it all year, as I have stated in previous blogs that the Texas Rangers are the most frustrating team to be a fan. Well as of yesterday, they are on the path of redemption. They made a deal to get Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez, the possibly greatest player in Rangers history. And yes I am aware that Nolan Ryan pitched for the Rangers, etc.

Anyway, I am back on board the Rangers train. I know I've said they had to make the playoffs to get me back as a fan (even though I am featured in Fox Sports "Built For Fun" Texas Rangers commercial (if you see it, I'm the focus of the "Built for Sound" portion holding a drum). If I can find a link of that video, I'll post it, but if you watch the games, then you'll eventually see it.

Well I'll leave it at that. Good luck Pudge, I hope you take the starting job from Teagarden and lead the Rangers to the "Promise Land" as you did the Tigers and Marlins...

Friday, August 14, 2009

Learning the Law

This will be short, as there is really not a lot to say.

I started law school today. It will be a whole new world, and in three years time, expect to see Captain Awesome either sending you or keeping you out of prison for crimes you may or may not have committed.

If you have any advice or information, feel free to lend it to me. Anyway, like I said, short and sweet. I will be back soon with a tantalizing new post on some savory cigars soon.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. Former New York Yankees star Mickey Mantle (pictured) dies of liver cancer at the age of 63. While "The Mick" patrolled center field and batted clean-up between 1951 and 1968, the Yankees won 12 American League pennants and seven World Series championships. Although he received a liver transplant, by then the cancer had spread to his lungs, and he died at just after 2 a.m. on August 13, 1995, at the Baylor University Cancer Center in Dallas. At the time of his death Mantle held many of the records for World Series play, including most home runs (18), most RBIs (40) and most runs (42).
  2. Fidel Castro, who of course is known for his love of baseball and cigars, turns 83 today. I guess that is kind of cool. He shares his birthday with Alfred Hitchcock and Annie Oakley.
  3. Shortly after midnight on this day in 1961, East German soldiers begin laying down barbed wire and bricks as a barrier between Soviet-controlled East Berlin and the democratic western section of the city. After World War II, defeated Germany was divided into Soviet, American, British and French zones of occupation. The city of Berlin, though technically part of the Soviet zone, was also split, with the Soviets taking the eastern part of the city. After a massive Allied airlift in June 1948 foiled a Soviet attempt to blockade West Berlin, the eastern section was drawn even more tightly into the Soviet fold. Over the next 12 years, cut off from its western counterpart and basically reduced to a Soviet satellite, East Germany saw between 2.5 million and 3 million of its citizens head to West Germany in search of better opportunities. By 1961, some 1,000 East Germans--including many skilled laborers, professionals and intellectuals--were leaving every day.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Celebrating the Captain

So how does Captain Awesome celebrate his birthday you ask? Well he binges like no other. This proved true this year as well. I would love to recant the night with charm and wit to make a funny story, but to be honest I can't. I drank heavily throughout the day, and in the process of killing memory cells in the brain and further damaging my liver. So now for the highlights of the binge.

1:00pm: We went to Rahr & Sons Brewery in Fort Worth and had a couple of big beers a little price.
4:00pm: We hung out at the pool and had a few beers.
6:30pm: We had burgers and beers at the Love Shack/White Elephant (where they filmed parts of Walker, Texas Ranger)
9:00pm: Pregame drinking at the apartment before walking to Sundance Square, I switched to scotch from beer.
10:00pm: Arrived in Sundance, started at Durty Murphy's. The good people of Marlboro gave us free Zippo's and cigarettes.
11:00pm: We went to Vice on Shea's urging were he, Tanner, Crystal, and a girl who looked like Amy Winehouse had gone. We were not allowed in do to not being on a list and one guy was out of dress code. We told them to go fuck themselves and we might come back if decide to become douche bags and get Affliction shirts to wear.
11:03pm: We went to the Library. Over the course of the next few hours I probably had onwards close to 15-20 drinks and shots. There was a disagreement with some of the service staff, and so we retreated upon the urging of some Fort Worth police officers.
1:15pm: We decide to finish at the Flying Saucer, I have no recollection of going there, or being there. He was what was recalled by people who had fewer drinks than I:
  1. I slapped some fat girl's ass, and her boyfriend did not take kindly. He apparently tried to fight me, and I just laughed it off. I also told him it was ok because it was my birthday and tried to high five him. They left very unhappy.
  2. My buddy Tim lit one of our free cigarettes up in the non-smoking area. The bartender was not happy about that and said something about putting it out, then said she had told him several times already (she hadn't). She decided, after he didn't put it out, that the police outside should have him leave. They did, and after some nasty words to the bartender, that she took great offense to, we left.
  3. Walking back, I apparently was not walking very well, and had unbuttoned my entire shirt. Some girls thought it was a good idea to hollar at me, so I yelled back. The driver no longer paying attention to the road, apparently rear ended a Lexus in front of them (and remember, I have zero recollection of this event.)
  4. Arriving home, I proceeded to vomit on the downstairs porch of the person on the 1st floor of my complex (I'm on the 4th floor). In between throwing up, I had incoherent and random sputterings about my shirt and where I was at, because I was apparently lost in my own apartment. I'm told it was entertaining. Everyone else was eating my chips and taking pictures.
  5. I proceeded to pass out on my living room floor (picture courtesy of Tim's phone).
  6. An hour later, I awoke to take my vomiting to the bathroom. I then passed out in the bathroom.
  7. Around 5am I awoke and got in bed.

So there you have the semi remembered story of Captain Awesome's birthday binge. I hope you have enjoyed. Next year I may have someone follow us with a video camera so that we have it on film. Anyway, keep on being awesome out there, and maybe one day you can learn to binge in the ways of Captain Awesome, or something like that.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Captain Awesome's Cigar Reviews: Kinky Friedman Cigars

Well so, I was in a debate with myself over which cigars to review next. This is partly why I did not post Wednesday, but now I am posting on Friday. After debate, I have decided to go with Kinky Friedman cigars, mostly because I have recently smoked them with Kinky personally. I will give a short review on his five main cigar lines. Well let's get it started, so you can go out and be awesome smoking some Kinky's...

I'll start with the basics of all 5 of the cigars and then I'll get into a little detail of each. They all have a similar blend that feature a Habano wrapper grown in Honduras from Cuban seed, a medium bodied filler with tobacco from Honduras and Nicaragua, and the binder is Costa Rican. The first tastes of these cigars is generally going to be spicy and then it will move into a creamy flavor with hints of coffee and cocoa. Now on to the individual cigars.

The Governor:

This is a Toro Gordo, it's a thick ring gauge that provides a powerful smoke that burns cool from increased airflow. It's a mellowing medium to full smoke and is the largest ring gauge in the collection.

Price: Around $14


The Kinkycristo is a torpedo modeled after the Monte Cristo number 2, and this cigar concentrates the flavors onto the tip of the tongue. It has a bit more spiciness then the other cigars and is modeled after the Cuban blends of the Monte Cristo line. This cigar comes from decades of Kinky smoking Cuban cigars.

Price: Around $10

The Willie:

This is a different type of cigar all around. It has a twist head and a shaggy foot of tobacco for an easy light. The first few puffs allow for the creamy part to overtake the spicy flavor and over time you get back into the coffee and cocoa flavors. The shaggy lighting is meant to represent the red beard (as it is a reddish tobacco) of Willie Nelson. This is a fantastic smoke.

Price: Around $8.50

Texas Jewboy:

This is another torpedo in the Kinky line, but this is a larger ring gauge than the Kinkycristo. This larger cigar allows for more tobacco leaves, and so it makes this a more complex cigar. The torpedo shape allows you to concentrate on certain flavors at a time as opposed to tasting a blend of flavors.

Price: Around $9

The Utopian:

This is a traditional corona made in the classic entubar style allowing for a long relaxing and enjoyable smoke. You could say it's Utopia. The profit from the sales of this cigar go toward the benefit of Kinky's Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch. This makes it Captain Awesome's choice of the Kinky lines to smoke.

Price: Around $7.50

Overall I enjoy and recommend everyone give these cigars a try. My favorite smokes, are the Willie and the Utopian, but the Governor is also an extremely enjoyable smoke. These cigars are not just a joke or an attempt at publicity for the man trying his luck at the seat of governor in the state of Texas, but these are genuinely a grand smoke. Check them out, and try each. Rumor from Kinky's lips himself is that he has a new cigar coming out this month. I may be able to give you a review on that at a later date. Hopefully this one is helpful, and remember if you live in Texas, vote Kinky for Governor in 2010, I mean, "Why the Hell not?"

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. Well first and foremost, the most important order of business of today's ménage à trois, well today, August 6th, is Captain Awesome's (pictured) birthday. Yes that is correct, today is my birthday, so send me some sweet gifts or love.
  2. Other famous birthday's today include M. Night Shyamalan, David Robinson, Lucille Ball, Andy Warhol, and Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice). Of course, Captain Awesome is still the most important of the day...
  3. August 6, 1945, the United States becomes the first and only nation to use atomic weaponry during wartime when it drops an atomic bomb on the Japanese city of Hiroshima. Though the dropping of the atomic bomb on Japan marked the end of World War II, many historians argue that it also ignited the Cold War. Since 1940, the United States had been working on developing an atomic weapon, after having been warned by Albert Einstein that Nazi Germany was already conducting research into nuclear weapons. By the time the United States conducted the first successful test (an atomic bomb was exploded in the desert in New Mexico in July 1945), Germany had already been defeated. The war against Japan in the Pacific, however, continued to rage. President Harry S. Truman, warned by some of his advisers that any attempt to invade Japan would result in horrific American casualties, ordered that the new weapon be used to bring the war to a speedy end. On August 6, 1945, the American bomber Enola Gay dropped a five-ton bomb over the Japanese city of Hiroshima. A blast equivalent to the power of 15,000 tons of TNT reduced four square miles of the city to ruins and immediately killed 80,000 people. Tens of thousands more died in the following weeks from wounds and radiation poisoning. Three days later, another bomb was dropped on the city of Nagasaki, killing nearly 40,000 more people. A few days later, Japan announced its surrender.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Living Downtown

So it has been a few days since I posted anything, and well that's because I just got internet. But I am completely moved to Fort Worth, and I am living in a pretty badass apartment in a great location.

Being able to walk to Flying Saucer has been nice, and the whole Sundance Square area is awesome.

There is not really a lot in this blog, just information on why I took a few days off from any significant post. Tomorrow will have a new installment of Captain Awesome's Guide to Cigars, and Thursday will have it's normal post of Ménage à trois. So just keep on being awesome until then.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Baseball Midway Point.

Well, since the non-waiver trade deadline is here in the big leagues, I figure I'll run through my preseason picks and see where I stand. There were a flurry of trades and some big names got moved, though my Rangers couldn't land Halladay after their hard push last night. Jake Peavy is moving to the Windy City, Victor Martinez is in Bean Town, Cliff Lee is now part of that Fraternal Love Fest in the city of Brotherly Love, and Matt Holliday (pictured) is a Red Bird. How does this affect my predictions? Well let's check it out.

Here are my opening day predictions:

AL West: Texas Rangers
AL Central: Detroit Tigers
AL East: Tampa Bay Rays
AL Wildcard: New York Yankees
NL West: Arizona Diamondbacks
NL Central: Chicago Cubs
NL East: Philadelphia Phillies
NL Wildcard: Los Angeles Dodgers

World Series: Detroit Tigers v Los Angeles Dodgers
Winner: Tigers in 6

Now let's check out where they are now.

AL West: Rangers are 3 games behind Anaheim, and 1.5 games behind Boston in the Wild Card
AL Central: Detroit is up by 2 games.
AL East: Yankees by 2.5 games, Tampa is 7 games back
AL Wildcard: Yankees lead the East.

NL West: Clearly the DBacks were a horrible pick at 19 games out.
NL Central: Cubs have a .5 game lead on St. Louis.
NL East: 6 game lead for the Phillies
NL Wildcard: Dodgers are the best team in baseball, right now Colorado leads the Wild Card.
So overall, apart from Tampa and Arizona, my picks are all doing pretty good, and Tampa is still in the wildcard race. Let's hope my World Series pick stands. It will make me feel good about myself!

Besides that, I just moved to a nice apartment in Downtown Fort Worth, so if you are ever in the area hit me up and we'll grab a beer over at the Flying Saucer.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. July 30, 1932, Walt Disney releases his first cartoon in color. The cartoon, Flowers and Trees, was made in three-color Technicolor; Disney was the only studio that used the process for the next three years, because of an exclusive contract.
  2. The Governator turns 62 today, Hilary Swank is 35, Tom Green is 38, and Lawrence Fishburne is now 48. So happy birthday to those celebrities.
  3. 101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout the movie. (See Picture)

Monday, July 27, 2009

Damn You Shreveport

Dear Shreveport-Bossier City,

I would like you to know how much I hate your damn fucking piece of shit trashy city areas. I'm not just saying that because I spent the night in Bossier City jail a few years back either. I'm not juts saying it because of all the cities in the country that have legalized gambling that I have been to, your is the only one that I have still yet to win at. I'm not saying it's because the fuckass' at the Horseshoe banned me for life from all Harrah's owned casinos.

Wait a minute, that is exactly why I hate your trashy and dirty city. I suppose I probably hate the entire state of Louisiana equally.

In closing, come this hurricane season, if some storms were to stray their way up through the Red River and your city, and all your casinos are destroyed, I won't feel an ounce of sadness. I may even throw a party in honor of the great storm maker, even if that is a little crass on my part, I don't care. Your city and state is the opposite of awesome. You are unawesome.


J.J. "Captain Awesome" Lanzillo, IV

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. On this day in 1885, just after completing his memoirs, Civil War hero and former President Ulysses S. Grant dies of throat cancer.
  2. Daniel Radcliffe, the boy who plays Harry Potter, turns 20 today. Monica Lewinsky is now 36, and crazy ole Don Imus (pictured) of racist talk radio fame is 69.
  3. Each of the suits on a deck of cards represents the four major pillars of the economy in the middle ages: heart represented the Church, spades represented the military, clubs represented agriculture, and diamonds represented the merchant class.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Captain Awesome's Cigar Reviews: CAO, Part 2

Well after a tasting with Kinky Friedman and his own line of cigars, I considered to skip CAO part 2 and write on the Kinky lines, but then I figured I can just do that next. So I will go ahead and continue with part 2 of my review of CAO cigars, and this one will contain 2 of my favorite cigars around. Well let's begin.

CAO Lx2:

Well the Lx2 is probably the heaviest cigar in he CAO line in my opinion. It features a sun grown Nicaraguan wrapper, a Honduran binder, and a filler that has a mixture of ligero tobacco from Nicaragua and the Dominican Republic. The flavors consist of a bittersweet chocolate, a bit if paprika for some spiciness, and some woody flavors. This cigar is less consistent than other CAO products as some cigars are better than others, even in the same box. Though when something is hand rolled, that will happen. Overall, if you are a fan of full bodied sun grown cigars that have an overall spicy flavor, then you will enjoy this cigar. If you don't then I will not recommend this cigar. It is good, but not that good.

Price: Ranges from $6-$15

CAO Italia:

Well, the Italia happens to be one of my favorite cigars, so it is going to get a favorable review. It's a full bodied, robust, dark, and smooth smoke. It has an excellent draw, and is very consistent. The anatomy is Honduran wrappers and binders, and the filler consists of tobacco from Italy (hence the name), Nicaragua, and Peru. The flavor is very earthy and sweet. Your palette will be blasted by a sweet coffee flavor, followed by a cocoa flavor, and it finishes with a brilliant mixture of chocolate, sweet cocoa, and what I think may be caramel, but either way, it is a sweet finish. You will also see notes of herbal flavors throughout the cigar. While this cigar has a full flavor, it is hardly noticeable, so even a beginning smoker will get enjoyment out of an Italia. I have purchased several boxes of the Italia in the "Ciao" size. Clearly I recommend this cigar to everyone.

Price: $4.50-$9.50

CAO Vision:

So, it was pretty clear that I liked the Italia, but let me tell you how much I love the Vision. This is hands down probably my favorite smoke from CAO, and possibly my favorite smoke of any cigar. To top it off, if you by the box, well this box is special, as it is a travel humidor that uses the Sensi-Box technology. The flavors burst out of this medium bodied cigar, and when they pass through your sinuses you just want more. You get bits of cedar, leather, dark cocoa, and roasted nuts. It is a brilliant mixture of flavors, clearly the man in charge of mixing had a vision. The anatomy has the wrapper and binder coming from the Dominican Republic and the filler from the Dominican Republic, Nicaragua, and Brazil. This is a pricey cigar, but it will get you hooked. It is worth breaking out the bank to but a couple of these cigars, of course that is if you can find them anywhere. The box itself, has Vision smokers buying these cigars by the box, meaning that it is hard to keep them in stores if you just wanted to by a couple of cigars. If you get the chance, give the Vision a try. I definitely recommend it.

Price: $14-$20

That is it for the CAO products that I have personally smoked. They have several other cigars in their line such as the Miduro, the Criollo, the Cx2, and the Conmemorativo. Perhaps I will try them eventually, but as of now, I have not made it around to those bad boys. I hope these reviews have helped you learn a little bit about the CAO line, and hopefully you enjoy them as much as I have. Next up, you'll get a review from the Kinky Friedman lines. So until next time, the Captain says to stay awesome.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Captain Awesome's Cigar Reviews: CAO, Part 1

So, like I have done with gambling, and sex hunting, I am going to go in depth into another subject I am dearly fond of; cigar smoking. I mean cigars are just awesome.

I plan to write reviews of some of the more known and even some lesser known cigar companies. I review the major lines that these companies have released, and I will describe the flavors, and talk about the wrapper, binder, and filler in each cigar. I will only be reviewing cigars that I have personally tried, as it would be bad business to write about something I have no idea if it's good or not. I will include price in U.S. Dollars and if it is worth buying and trying. I hope this is good information to anyone who may want to get into cigar smoking, or if someone wants to try something new, but they aren't sure what they like. I will also spent one post on accessories like punches, cutters, and lighters.

I am going to start off the series with one of my favorite companies, as I have had an extreme majority of their cigar lines. So let's get this series kicked off with CAO. Because of the large amount of cigars I've had of theirs, I will split this up into sections, and the same will probably occur with Rocky Patel. So time to begin.

CAO Brazilia:

To start off, I will begin with the anatomies of the cigars, and the Brazilia has a wrapper that actually comes from Brazil (hence the name). The binder and filler however actually come from Nicaragua. This is a medium to full bodied cigar, but definitely leans heavily toward the full body side. This is a maduro cigar and it has a very good draw to it. The majority of them are consistent and burn evenly, a sign of a well made cigar. Some of the flavors that I seemed to notice, were pepper and a hint of chocolate, though it was a bitter chocolate. It has a very earthly flavor, almost like a woods type flavor. Overall it is a good mixture of flavor that is powerful and this cigar is a must smoke for any maduro lover.

Price: Ranges from $6-$9 depending on size.

CAO Sopranos Edition:

I know what you are already thinking, a Sopranos edition cigar, it has got to be one of the best. Tony Soprano was crazy about the cigars. My answer to that is yes and no. This is another full body cigar, that in regards to flavor, it is quite pleasing. You immediately can notice the coffee and chocolate flavors, but overall the cigar is leathery in flavor. The anatomy is a Brazilian wrapper, a binder from Honduras, and the filler gets it's tobacco from Nicaragua, Dominican Republic, and Colombia. The draw from the cigar is not good at the beginning of the smoke, and I find that many of them need to be loosened up prior to smoking. It rarely burns even, but the flavor can make up for that to a degree. The main line is worth trying once, but the price tag makes it not worth a continued smoke (you are paying for the Soprano's name). The Tony Soprano Limited Edition is another horse on it's own. It boasts the same flavor but the ring gage is much larger, making for a longer smoke. I found more consistency in the limited edition, but for the price their are better cigars. If you like medium to full bodied cigars, give it a try, if you really got into the Sopranos, give it a try. If you are a light cigar guy, avoid it.

Price: $10-$16 for the main line. $20 for the Limited Editon Tony Soprano.

CAO America:

A more recent edition to the CAO line, this double wrapped cigar is quite good. The anatomy has a wrapper that is two different ones grown in Connecticut, a binder grown in Brazil, and the filler comes from Nicaragua, Dominican Republic, Italy, and the United States (Connecticut again). There is no problem with the consistency in the burn, as it burns evenly, which is good considering the double wrap. This is a medium to full cigar, and it has a very good mix of flavors. It is quite a nutty cigar, but it also has a good hint of coffee. There are also hints of a woody flavor, similar to the Brazilia. The last bit of flavor is a leathery flavor, but it is not a strong leather flavor in my opinion until you reach the end of the cigar, then the leather really hits you. If you smoke several cigars a day, this is a good morning cigar to go with a cup of coffee or two. I happen to like to smoke this on the Fourth of July, but that's because I am a proud American. I definitely recommend this cigar, as the price is definitely right.

Price: $6.75-$20 (The $20 price is for the Anthem, a long limited edition version)

CAO Gold:

The anatomy has a wrapper and binder from Ecuador, and a filler from Nicaragua. This is a good value cigar as the price is not too bad. It is a very mild cigar, and has hints of vanilla flavor, as well as a nutty flavor with a bit of oak. Most of the flavor is seen at the beginning of the cigar. The draw is tight at the start, but loosens up after a bit. It burns for the most part evenly, and there is some decent consistency between cigars. I am not a light cigar smoker, but if you are, or you are just starting smoking, this is definitely a good cigar to start on. It has good flavor and smokes well. The price as well makes this a cheap cigar for new cigar smokers. Overall it is a recommended cigar, though it is not something I will purchase myself.

Price: $4.50

Overall I liked these cigars, as I like most everything that CAO puts out. I like their lines, and they are available most everywhere. They have cigars for fans of all different types of cigars, from mild to medium to full, and with flavors ranging from chocolate, almond, coffee, vanilla, and oak. Part 2 will showcase my 2 favorite CAO lines, with 2 others that I have had. So until next time, go out and be awesome, and this time you can be awesome with a good cigar.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. On this day in 1790, the young American Congress declares that a swampy, humid, muddy and mosquito-infested site on the Potomac River between Maryland and Virginia will be the nation’s permanent capital. “Washington,” in the newly designated federal “District of Columbia,” was named after the leader of the American Revolution and the country’s first president: George Washington. It was Washington who saw the area’s potential economic and accessibility benefits due to the proximity of navigable rivers.
  2. In Yekaterinburg, Russia, Czar Nicholas II and his family (pictured) are executed by the Bolsheviks, bringing an end to the three-century-old Romanov dynasty. Civil war broke out in Russia in June 1918, and in July the anti-Bolshevik "White" Russian forces advanced on Yekaterinburg, where Nicholas and his family were located, during a campaign against the Bolshevik forces. Local authorities were ordered to prevent a rescue of the Romanovs, and after a secret meeting of the Yekaterinburg Soviet, a death sentence was passed on the imperial family. Late on the night of July 16, Nicholas, Alexandra, their five children and four servants were ordered to dress quickly and go down to the cellar of the house in which they were being held. There, the family and servants were arranged in two rows for a photograph they were told was being taken to quell rumors that they had escaped. Suddenly, a dozen armed men burst into the room and gunned down the imperial family in a hail of gunfire. Those who were still breathing when the smoked cleared were stabbed to death. The remains of Nicholas, Alexandra and three of their children were excavated in a forest near Yekaterinburg in 1991 and positively identified two years later using DNA fingerprinting. The Crown Prince Alexei and one Romanov daughter were not accounted for, fueling the persistent legend that Anastasia, the youngest Romanov daughter, had survived the execution of her family. Of the several "Anastasias" that surfaced in Europe in the decade after the Russian Revolution, Anna Anderson, who died in the United States in 1984, was the most convincing. In 1994, however, scientists used DNA to prove that Anna Anderson was not the czar's daughter but a Polish woman named Franziska Schanzkowska.
  3. It is in my opinion that the economy will not be getting better anytime soon. It will likely be 2-3 years before we see anything back to what it was pre-recession. The only hope the economy has of a quick turnaround is a full scale war with Iran or North Korea, or both. Similar to how World War II pulled us out of the Great Depression.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Who wants a Mustache Ride?

So for the past few weeks, I have been rocking a pretty solid stache. It's not the best, and I attempted to even make it a fancy handlebar mustache, yet that failed. One thing the experience taught me though, is that it is still cool for a guy in his mid 20's to rock a mustache...

However, I don't think that it is for me. I am a beard guy proud and true, so back to the beard I go. It was fun while it lasted, and it had it's memorable moments. I don't think I will rule out a return to the stache, but for now I will say goodbye. Maybe I will try the toothbrush next, or give the handlebar a second attempt. Who knows, all I do know is that no matter when and what I do, it will still be awesome.

The rest of my face however did feel extremely naked. Four plus years of having a face full of beard and then removing it for just a mustache I suppose will do that to someone.

Wearing a mustache with a suit was also quite enjoyable, and it even looked good with a fedora, and of course a solid pair of Aviators and a mustache is a never fail combination. So I will post a few pictures for your viewing pleasure, and will let you know of the next time I try some new facial hair awesomeness...
So remember, facial hair is quite awesome, and it does it's job. So go out be awesome, try out a mustache, and always offer up as many mustache rides as you can.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. In American naval slang, submarines are the only vessels referred to as "boats", whereas surface vessels are colloquially referred to as "ships".
  2. On this day in 1941, crackerjack British cryptologists break the secret code used by the German army to direct ground-to-air operations on the Eastern front. British experts had already broken many of the Enigma codes for the Western front. Enigma was the Germans' most sophisticated coding machine, necessary to secretly transmitting information. The Enigma machine, invented in 1919 by Hugo Koch, a Dutchman, looked like a typewriter and was originally employed for business purposes. The Germany army adapted the machine for wartime use and considered its encoding system unbreakable. They were wrong. The Brits had broken their first Enigma code as early as the German invasion of Poland and had intercepted virtually every message sent through the occupation of Holland and France. Britain nicknamed the intercepted messages Ultra.
  3. Today, Fred Savage of Wonder Years fame turns 33. Tom Hanks is 53, who I am sure you all know, and if you don't, I recommend seeing these movies: Bachelor Party, Big, The 'burbs, Philadelphia, Forrest Gump, Saving Private Ryan, and Road to Perdition. These of course are only a small sampling of his acting genius. Also celebrating a birthday today (in a Nevada State Prison) is the Juice. That's right, O.J. Simpson (pictured), who accumulated 11,236 rushing yards in his 11 year NFL career, including 2003 yards in 1973 for the Buffalo Bills, well he turns 63 today.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Annie are you ok?

The answer here is clearly a resounding "no." Annie is not ok today, as today is the memorial for the King of Pop.

Just like the musicians before him who died before their time, Michael Jackson (50) will be remembered for his contributions to music. While he may not have been as young as Jim Morrison (27), Janis Joplin (27), Jimi Hendrix (27), Bradley Nowell (28), etc.; he still had something left in the tank. Similar to Elvis Presley (42) and John Lennon (40), he had reached his peak, but was still doing what he loved. He was planning a comeback tour of sorts, which included several sold out shows in London.

Judging on the dress rehearsals that have been playing on your TV for the last week and a half, I have no doubt that these would have been stellar concerts. Elvis was doing the same thing at the time of his death. But enough with the comparisons and whatnot.

Michael Jackson, despite all of his personal problems, was a blessing in the music industry as well for the people of the world. His music brought people together, and that is in part why he wrote it. He was pushing for change back when Barack Obama was praying to Allah and banging Indonesian hookers in Jakarta. He also could dance. I mean, does anyone remember the lean in "Smooth Criminal?" If you don't, it's pictured...

Today, his family and friends, and practically the entire globe will remember him today as his funeral service goes on. Even if you believe the allegations against him, and as a person him you found him off center and a little eccentric, you can not say that his music wasn't brilliant, because it was. To say that he didn't have a major influence on pop music in the MTV generation is just ridiculous. Songs like "Billie Jean", "Black or White", "Bad", "The Way You Make Me Feel", "Beat It", and "Thriller" will always have a spot on the radio, just as the videos will always have a spot on TV. The only problem was that he never changed his man in the mirror, and it would appear he had a drug problem, like many of the musicians who died before him.

Today, Captain Awesome is going to support the King of Pop, and I will continue to support the music that MJ made, and I hope that future generations appreciate Michael Jackson in the same way that we appreciate Elvis Presley or Jimi Hendrix today. So I will leave you all with one question...

Who's Bad?

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy Birthday America

Well, it's July 4, 2009. That means that the United States of America is officially 233 years old today (in a we declared independence on July 4, 1776 way).

So for all you American readers, you better be out there kicking ass and being awesome. That's what today is about. You need to go out and be awesome just like those brave souls who were out being awesome for our freedom 233 years ago.

Uncle Sam wants you to be awesome, how can you argue with that?

Go out and celebrate America hard, the American way. Kick ass and be awesome, and remember these great lyrics:

America, FUCK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah,
America, FUCK YEAH!
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
America, FUCK YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
America, FUCK YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
it’s the dream that we all share; it’s the hope for tomorrow


McDonald's, FUCK YEAH!
Wal-Mart, FUCK YEAH!
Baseball, FUCK YEAH!
Rock and roll, FUCK YEAH!
The Internet, FUCK YEAH!
Slavery, FUCK YEAH!


Starbucks, FUCK YEAH!
Disney world, FUCK YEAH!
Valium, FUCK YEAH!
Reebok's, FUCK YEAH!
Fake Tits, FUCK YEAH!
Taco Bell, FUCK YEAH!
Rodeos, FUCK YEAH!
Bed bath and beyond (Fuck yeah, Fuck yeah)

Liberty, FUCK YEAH!
White Slips, FUCK YEAH!
The Alamo, FUCK YEAH!
Band-aids, FUCK YEAH!
Las Vegas, FUCK YEAH!
Christmas, FUCK YEAH!
Immigrants, FUCK YEAH!
Popeye, FUCK YEAH!
Democrats, FUCK YEAH!
Republicans (republicans)
(fuck yeah, fuck yeah)

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Ménage à trois

  1. Only four months into his administration, President James A. Garfield is shot as he walks through a railroad waiting room in Washington, D.C. His assailant, Charles J. Guiteau, was a disgruntled and perhaps insane office seeker who had unsuccessfully sought an appointment to the U.S. consul in Paris. The president was shot in the back and the arm, and Guiteau was arrested. Garfield, mortally ill, was treated in Washington and then taken to the seashore at Elberon, New Jersey, where he attempted to recuperate with his family. During this time, Vice President Chester A. Arthur served as acting president. On September 19, 1881, after 80 days, President Garfield died of blood poisoning. The following day, Arthur was inaugurated as the 21st president of the United States. Garfield had three funerals: one in Elberon; another in Washington, where his body rested in state in the Capitol for three days; and a third in Cleveland, Ohio, where he was buried. Charles Guiteau's murder trial began in November, and in January 1882 he was found guilty and sentenced to death. In June 1882, he was hanged at his jail in Washington.

  2. On this day in 1776, the Second Continental Congress, assembled in Philadelphia, formally adopts Richard Henry Lee's resolution for Independence from Great Britain. The vote is unanimous, with only New York abstaining. The resolution had originally been presented to Congress on June 7, but it soon became clear that New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland and South Carolina were as yet unwilling to declare Independence, though they would likely be ready to vote in favor of a break with England in due course. Thus, Congress agreed to delay the vote on Lee's Resolution until July 1. In the intervening period, Congress appointed a committee to draft a formal declaration of independence. Its members were John Adams of Massachusetts, Benjamin Franklin of Pennsylvania, Roger Sherman of Connecticut, Robert R. Livingston of New York and Thomas Jefferson of Virginia. Thomas Jefferson, well-known to be the best writer of the group, was selected to be the primary author of the document, which was presented to Congress for review on June 28, 1776. On July 1, 1776, debate on the Lee Resolution resumed as planned, with a majority of the delegates favoring the resolution. Congress thought it of the utmost importance that independence be unanimously proclaimed. To ensure this, they delayed the final vote until July 2, when 12 colonial delegations voted in favor of it, with the New York delegates abstaining, unsure of how their constituents would wish them to vote. John Adams wrote that July 2 would be celebrated as the most memorable epoch in the history of America. Instead, the day has been largely forgotten in favor of July 4, when Jefferson's edited Declaration of independence was adopted.

  3. There is a decent amount of celebrity birthdays today, so I figure I will just name some of them, Lindsay Lohan is 23, Ashley Tisdale is 24, Michelle Branch is 26, Jose Canseco is 45, and Larry David is 62.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Wells Fargo needs to give back their Bailout Money...

Today is the last day of June. This makes me happy, because as of tomorrow I will be one month away from living in a sweet ass apartment in downtown Fort Worth. Law school also begins in August, if Wells Fargo will ever approve my fucking Grad Plus loan. Those guys are fucking douche bags though.

They got like $25 Billion in a tax payer government bailout. I am one of those taxpayers, and I need a loan to pay for law school. They deny the loan. This makes me think a little.

You see, I continue to hear more and more things like this. Students are being denied loans for college, law school, med school, and even dental school. These lenders all received huge bailouts, and have the money to loan because they got help from the taxpayers. (and these are federally guaranteed loans mind you, even after filing bankruptcy, you don't get rid of student loans, they have to be paid back). Now some of these taxpayers and future taxpayers need help.

The way I see it is, that the future of our country is being put into jeopardy because are government is run by fucktards that bailed out greedy son of a bitch bankers. The government should have set up their own lending program for students, they should have known those greedy bank bastards would cut back on giving loans.

So I guess that means unemployment will continue to be on the rise, and people in professional industries will decline over the years. We won't have enough doctors to work under Obama's stupid fucking national health care plan, so no one will end up getting health care to begin with. There won't be enough lawyers to work for cities as prosecutors and defenders, so when one of those unemployed people who can't get a loan for school robs one of those greedy fuckass banks, there may not be enough prosecutors or judges to give him a speedy trial. Or there may not be enough Public Defenders to defend this poor man who can not afford his own legal defense.

If you think about it like that, banks like Wells Fargo, Bank of America, and Chase are doing everything in their power to ensure that people will not have their constitutional rights. I think our government should really look into this.

I mean, Barack Obama had to have gotten a loan to attend law school, so he should know how hard it is already, yet I feel like he isn't doing anything to help out students in need. An ultimatum should be in place for banks, but I guess they are too busy loaning money to people to buy homes and cars that they can't afford, just so the banks can be those fuckasses that go in their and take back those homes and cars, and help put those people who they knew could not afford it into more debt than they can handle. Of course, they are having trouble filing for bankruptcy because there is a lacking number of bankruptcy lawyers due to student being denied several fucking loans.

You see the banking industry has started a vicious cycle that will lead to the downfall of American society. Government bailouts are mostly to blame, but I see this as a major issue, and I hope it bites some of those banks in the ass.

On another note, if anyone works in the educational finance part of a bank, and would be interested in lending me $9,800 of a Grad Plus loan, that would be awesome of you and would get you a place in Awesome World.

I am going to finish with this: to the people at Wells Fargo in charge of approving loans, go fuck yourselves you greedy, worthless, fucking piece of shit cockbags. When I do get out of law school, and pass the bar, I will make it my personal vendetta to destroy Wells Fargo through legal means. See you in three years fuckass.

Friday, June 26, 2009

How About a Music Review?

On the day after music took a huge loss, I felt the need to stay in the subject of music, though I didn't feel compelled to write an entire blog for Michael Jackson, while he deserves it, I just don't think I could write him anything of quality that would do him justice in this sad time. His music and visions of the world will live on, so listen to some MJ and then don't be afraid to check out some of the following albums I have reviewed here today.

So a good number of some of my favorite music artists have released some new albums this year. Since I can write about anything I want on this blog, well I am going to talk about some of these albums. So the following will be a review, and I'll be honest, I'm impressed with all of them so far.

We'll start really easy:

Incubus - Monuments and Melodies
Grade: A

Well, since I began listening to Incubus in 1997, the band has gone through a lot of changes. From funkadelic/heavy rock band of S.C.I.E.N.C.E to becoming alternative/pop rock with a little bit of soul Morning View, Incubus has found a large number of fans of all of their albums. While I personally don't find a greatest hits album a useful purchase, it will still get a good review, because well, I love all the songs that Incubus has previously recorded. So unless you have already made several Incubus album purchases in the past, you can't go wrong when you purchase Monuments and Melodies, and if you have purchased all their other albums, I recommend using iTunes and make a purchase of some of the new tracks that were released on this greatest hits collection, like "Black Heart Inertia". You will definitely Enjoy Incubus.

Dave Matthews Band - Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King
Grade: A-

The last few Dave Matthews albums, honestly have not been up to par. The band has had an up and down battle for musical quality for the last seven to eight years. I think this time they finally will help their fans forget releases like Stand Up and Busted Stuff. While those albums did offer a little to the Dave fans out there, they in no way compare to albums like Crash and Under the Table and Dreaming. Lately the best Dave purchases have really been his live works, which really shows the talent of the band. "Big Whiskey" changes all of that. This is their best album release in the 2000's and really provides the listener with something worthwhile. It is something new that may even bring in a group of younger fans out to his concerts. This is another album that I definitely recommend.

311 - Uplifter
Grade: C+

311 has found a rut. They are one of those bands that put together a certain sound during the 1990's and never left it. This is unfortunate because they are one of my favorite bands. Their early works on albums like Music is what made me a fan of these guys. I think they peaked however around the time that Soundsystem was released, because I'll be honest, it is hard to tell the difference from all the albums released since then. Their last real hit in the past couple of years was a cover song of the Cure's "Love Song". I regret to inform all the 311 fans who have yet to pick up or download the new Uplifteralbum that there is no real improvement. While the sound is still something that I enjoy, I would have liked to seen some more musical growth, maybe next time. The one good thing is I purchased the deluxe version and got some live footage on iTunes.

Ben Folds - Ways to Normal and Ben Folds Presents: University A Cappella!
Grades: B+ and A+

Way to Normal
is a release of new tracks from the solo act of Ben Folds (and I do miss Ben Folds Five a little still). The third new release since Ben Folds decided to drop the Five is another solid performance which includes a few great tracks. He has a unique performance style that seems to infuse Vegas lounge piano with rock and a some clever lyrics. The first single "You Don't Know Me" is a great song featuring vocals by Regina Spektor that is very enjoyable. This is a very solid purchase that if you are a Ben Folds fan, you will enjoy.

The best release he put out this year though, is not the album with new songs, but the album that he did not even perform on. Ben Folds Presents: University A Cappella! is an album that brings a new feel to some really good songs. Ben Folds had several different A Cappella choirs at different universities perform versions of his songs, even a few dating back to his days with Ben Folds Five. These unique tracks offer something new and different to the listener that are quite enjoyable. They really allow the soul of the music to stand out as they have several different soloists from the choirs really stand out on some of the songs. This is by far one of my new favorite releases from any artist that I have heard. It's innovative and enjoyable, and is essential for any fan of either A Cappella or Ben Folds.

Michael Franti & Spearhead - All Rebel Rockers
Grade: B

This release is not quite brand new, but I just finally got around to getting it. In this album, Franti and Spearhead hookup with legendary producers Sly and Robbie. They were definitely feeling the reggae vibes on this album. A political artist and activist, Franti has yet to really see a lot of mainstream play, but "Say Hey (I Love You)" may help get his name out there a little bit. This is a good album, but is not something that non fans of the group will enjoy. If you are a fan, the upbeat feeling of several songs will be a good change of pace to other things that Franti has released. You can definitely feel the Bob Marley and Peter Tosh vibes coming out in some of the songs, as well as maintaining what Michael Franti has become known for lyrically and musically. While I enjoyed it, I recommend it only to fans of Michael Franti & Spearhead. So you should just become one.

Pete Yorn - Back and Fourth
Grade: B+

Pete Yorn is one of those artists that sticks with what works for him as well. Musically his style limits the potential for a lot of musical growth, but it's his lyrics and melodies that make his songs worthwhile. Simple songs that are well organized and have great lyrics always make for enjoyment. Back and Fourth is the fourth full length album from Pete Yorn, and it does not disappoint. My favorite track is "Social Development Dance" because it is one of those masterfully crafted lyrical songs that people can just relate to in some ways. This album surpasses his previous release, and but does not quite reach musicforthemorningafter quality. If you are a Pete Yorn fan, it is a great buy, if you are only into this style a little bit, you may not enjoy, but you can give it a try anyway.

Ben Harper & Relentless7 - White Lies for Dark Times
Grade: A+

I feel like I saved the best for last. I am a huge Innocent Criminals fans, so changing the backing band was not something I was looking forward to, in fact I was hesitant to purchase this album because I thought it might ruin the soul that Ben Harper's music is known for. Boy was I wrong. White Lies for Dark Times is a fantastic album and Relentless7 does a great job. It still holds all of the great Ben Harper soul that you expect from his voice and lyrics, but it brings a true rock feel to the album. Musically, this is one of the best blues/rock releases of any band in a long time. It brings back what to mind the word rock. Solid riffs, great drum fills, and guitar solos put together with one of the greatest singing voices in the industry. It's a never fail. This album, which like most Ben Harper music, will go largely unnoticed to the general pop fan, but for those fans that miss pure rock, grab this album.