Dear Mark Mangino & ESPN (part 2), and Univ. of Kansas,

Dear Mark Mangino,

I fought for you buddy. It blows. My new goal is to get you hired as the Univ. of North Texas coaching job. They can't hold on to that shitfuck Dodge forever.

Hell Dickey should still be the coach. That school of which I am an alumni is run by idiots, so on second thought, you don't want to coach there. Of course Wade Phillips may be gone in a few weeks...

Keep on being a coach.

Sincerely,

Captain Awesome

Letter 2:

Dear ESPN,

Do you fuckfaces really have to keep up this shit? Your job is to talk sports. You got a good football coach fired. Now look what you're doing to Tiger Woods.

Tiger is a golfer. So ESPN, your job is to talk about what he is doing out on the links. It is not your job to talk about him banging some other slut. If I gave a shit who Tiger Woods was banging, I'd read the National Fucking Enquirer. When I want to see what's going on in the sports world, I watch ESPN.

But nooooo. You have fuckface anchors that don't know enough about sports, so they are now in the gossip scene. As of this minute they are talking about Hines Ward talking about how Big Ben (who has his own awesome sex stories) and how he should have played.

If Ben wants to be a pussy, fine. The NFL is full of them. I played in the same game on the two separate occasions of my concussions, one in football and one in baseball. You want to know why I did it? Cause I'm not a fucking shitbreath pussy that complains about a headache. I take some Advil and kick ass.

You shouldn't be talking about what Hines Ward said ESPN, you should be talking about how the NFL should be called the NPL. For those of you who have no idea what NPL stands for, it the National Pussy League. If I were getting paid millions of dollars to throw and hand off footballs, I wouldn't be a little bitch about a headache because some meanie on the other side hit me hard...

Anyway, ESPN, please go back to being a sports network.

Sincerely,

Captain Awesome

Letter 3:

Dear University of Kansas,

Why the fuck would you fire a coach that gave you a shot at having a decent football team (I'm aware it was a "resignation")?

Oh is it because you have no idea what a football coach does? Or is it that you fuckheads watch the fuckasses on ESPN?

You and the people that run North Texas athletics should get together and swap stories or something.

Sincerely,

Captain Awesome

No Shave November part 2

So for those of you are may have tried and failed, or tried and succeeded, or didn't try at all...

Well have no fear because Captain Awesome succeeded. I have gone 30 solid days without the touch of a razor. I kind of like it... (see picture)

This may lead to a continuation. Can there be a No Shave December? Of course there can. Will I do it? Well maybe for a little while. I don't know if I'm gonna stay at the Hard Rock in Vegas, or go out on NYE as Grizzly Adams, but I think I may go through law school finals without shaving.

Speaking of law school finals, they began today as I had a 24 hour, 2,500 word Civil Procedure final. I came in at 2,412, I see it as an almost perfect paper. It better be too, since it's worth 100% of my grade...

I also have completed my 200 beers at Flying Saucer and I will be immortalized in the "Ring of Honor" as I get my plate on the wall. I would like to thank Wells Fargo for supplying me with the student loans to pay for the beers, though a year of working helped out too. I would also like to thank Texas Wesleyan Law School for being six blocks from the Fort Worth Flying Saucer and for being a reason for me to drink. I must also thank Negro Willie for being a drinking buddy as he is also in his quest to finish 200. And I guess I should thank my family for supporting my love of beer habit, and Flying Saucer for being so awesome.

If you are in Fort Worth, Texas and happen to be downtown on December 18th, stop by and congratulate Captain Awesome and bask in the awesomeness that he is. Just don't forget to suit up!

Dear Mark Mangino & ESPN,

Here are two letters I am working on, enjoy:

Letter 1:

Dear Mark Mangino,

I am totally on your side. Here is why:

You are a college football coach. It is your job, to yell scream, bitch, curse, and insult your players. It is not your job to coddle some pussies and cunts. Those cockfucks are college athletes, and football players at that. They are getting a free fucking education to play football at an extremely high level. If they don't like being insulted and yelled at for playing like shit, or making stupid fucktards, then they should be at home in some shit town in Kansas or Nebraska, or Oklahoma, working at a fucking Sonic.

You are a hard working football coach. You could probably cut back on the sweets a little, but it's not your job to apologize to some pansy ass football players who can't take aggressive criticism.

In conclusion, keep on being an ass and never apologize. I hope you keep your job. I am now a Kansas football fan because you are coaching the right way. You don't coach like a little bitch. Just don't beat your wife like that Cable guy in Oakland. When Wade Phillips is fired from the Cowboys, I want to throw you name into the Dallas hat for coaching. Though Tony Romo is a little bitch, so you'll have to whip into shape.

Yours Truly,

Captain Awesome

Letter 2:

Dear ESPN,

Fucking leave Mangino alone for god-sakes. The guy is coaching his ass off for players that can't play for shit. He has every right to make sure they know.

Also, why the fuck is Chris Berman still working for ESPN if you are going to be little cunts to football coaches who are happen to say things that are rude to people. If you don't know what I am talking about watch this video.

Chris Berman is a horrible sports anchor that nobody likes. In fact 80% of the tools on ESPN don't belong there. They don't know sports. They get facts and names incorrect all the fucking time. You need sports fans doing that shit. On some fag that spent 4 years in college getting a shitty communication degree and decided sports would be "fun" even though he never played or watched any sporting events, and his father doesn't love him because he throws like a girl. Mike Greenberg and Tony Kornheiser, yes I am talking about you.

In conclusion, your programming blows. I only watch Sportscenter because you have a monopoly on the sports programming market. Maybe one day you and Disney and ABC will figure out how to hire the right people to talk sports on the TV and radio. So until then, go fuck yourselves and leave head coaches who yell, and cuss, and abuse alone. They have every right to do that.

Sincerely,

Captain Awesome

No Shave November

So I am still working on that fantasically hilarious blog for my readership, but right now I want to tell you about something else...No Shave November...

No Shave November is a thing of manliness and beastliness in which men (and some women) go the whole month without a razor touching any part of you skin. This is done for several reasons:

• To make those guys who shave all their body hair feel like less of men, because they aren't manly, they are just tools.
• Because beards are awesome, and it gives you a good reason to get a good one going.
• To support research and awareness of testicular cancer.

What you do is on October 31st (or a day or 2 earlier) you shave off your beard if you have one, or just shave your stubble or whatnot. Only a mustache is allowed at the start, and then you just don't shave until December 1st. This includes: back, arm, chest, leg, shoulder, facial, and head hair. NO FUCKING RAZORS!

So for whatever reason you choose to partake, do it and don't pussy out.

Yours Truly, Captain Awesome, a support of testicular cancer awareness. (pictured)

Trying to Unlock My Inner Hemingway

So it has clearly been a long time since I have posted as my black friend Negro Willie (pictured) has pointed out. If you read this blog, then you know that I am currently in law school. This has kept me from really being inspired from writing something clever. I have been buried in casebooks reading hundreds of pages, writing papers, and learning what it will take to be a practicing lawyer. For those of you who may be unaware, lawyers are a different kind of writers...

Writing has come tough, because I feel like I have lost my creative and clever ability to make people laugh. I can now only write rules, applications, and thesis sentences. I have decided I am going to budget some more time to really put together some solid blog writing. The people who I know that read this blog have told me that I do write some good and clever blogs, so I am going to make an effort to put out some quality work.

I am going to delve in deep and bring out my inner Hemingway. I am going to write something like I am fucking Hunter S. Thompson. It may take some time, but I am going to astonish your readers with something good. If I don't dazzle you with my wits, well in a few years I'll have that legal background to fall back on.

So If you haven't read all the past blogs, then go ahead and look back at some of them, maybe you can be re-dazzled...

Not this week

Sorry, but there isn't a Ménage à trois for this week. I will be blogging about Oktoberfest, but I'm waiting till the weekend.

Sorry if this upsets you.

-Captain Awesome

Ménage à trois

1. Defensive Driving blows.
2. On this day in 1787, the Constitution of the United States of America is signed by 38 of 41 delegates present at the conclusion of the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia. Supporters of the document waged a hard-won battle to win ratification by the necessary nine out of 13 U.S. states.
3. On this day in 1862, Confederate General Robert E. Lee's Army of Northern Virginia and Union General George B. McClellan's Army of the Potomac fight to a standstill along a Maryland creek on the bloodiest day in American history. Although the battle was a tactical draw, it forced Lee to end his invasion of the North and retreat back to Virginia.

Short this week, I know, but Oktoberfest is this weekend, so a good blog may be on the way.