Saturday, January 25, 2014

Holy Hell...It's Been Awhile.

Well, it has been a long ass time since I have posted. So I'm going to give a short and sweet update:

  1. I graduated law school.
  2. I passed the Texas Bar Exam.
  3. I have three plates now at Flying Saucer.
  4. I won 2 straight fantasy football championships.
  5. I have 2 dogs now.
  6. I am in a vietnamese tv commercial for my lawfirm. Click HERE.
  7. I'm a criminal defense attorney in Dallas, Collin, Denton Harris and Tarrant counties.
  8. I'm a Dallas Stars season ticket holder.
  9. I'm still married.
  10. And I had this really awesome billboard up by the Dallas County criminal courthouse. (see picture, I'm the white guy)

I may post more blogs to come when the inspiration hits. Till then enjoy.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Baseball Season Got Here Fast

So, apparently when your team plays into late October and at times November, the start of a new season comes upon you like another runner in the know, when you blinded by the light?

Anyway, I thought I'd throw out what my predictions were on opening day, since I've been too busy to post them. But in that time that I've been busy, I've managed to come just a few weeks out from having my J.D. in hand. Of course that only means I have to really get into bar prep mode for the exam in July. Then it's all about making Lanzillo Sports Group the best damn agency around.

Now on to my 2012 baseball predictions, I'll start with the AL West, since well, I'm an AL West fan:

AL West:

  1. Texas Rangers
  2. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
  3. Oakland Athletics
  4. Seattle Mariners
AL Central:
  1. Detroit Tigers
  2. Cleveland Indians
  3. Kansas City Royals
  4. Chicago White Sox
  5. Minnesota Twins
AL East:
  1. Tampa Bay Rays
  2. New York Yankees
  3. Toronto Blue Jays
  4. Boston Red Sox
  5. Baltimore Orioles
AL Wildcard:
  1. Angels
  2. Yankees
NL West:
  1. Los Angeles Dodgers
  2. Arizona Diamondbacks
  3. San Francisco Giants
  4. Colorado Rockies
  5. San Diego Padres
NL Central:
  1. St. Louis Cardinals
  2. Milwaukee Brewers
  3. Cincinnati Reds
  4.  Pittsburg Pirates
  5. Chicago Cubs
  6. Houston Astros
NL East:
  1. Washington Nationals
  2. Philadelphia Phillies
  3. Miami Marlins (Miami you ask? See picture)
  4. Atlanta Braves
  5. New York Mets
NL Wildcard:
  1. Philadelphia Phillies
  2. Milwaukee Brewers
World Series:

Texas Rangers over the Los Angeles Dodgers in 6.

So there you have it, from the Desk of Captain Awesome. This will be the final standings in Major League Baseball. Bet accordingly, and stay awesome and enjoy the boys of summer.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

The Ides of March are in my head before St. Patty's Day 2012

It didn't really hit me till today. I'm getting married in 2 days. And it hit me on the Ides of March, which is kind of scary, but indeed I am getting married in two days. That's Holly and I in the picture to the right of this sentence.

It will be a huge step in my life, that will be quickly followed by law school graduation in May, and the Texas Bar Exam in July. 2013 will have it's work cut out for itself, if it wants to top my 2012.

On another note, I applied for the Order of the Barristers at Texas Wesleyan School of Law. It is a group that is recognized nationally for excelling in oral advocacy during their time in law school. So Mock Trial (trial level), Moot Court (appellate level), and ADR (Alternative Dispute Resolution, pre-trial) champions around the country apply for a limited number of spots with their school. Texas Wesleyan limits their number to 10. This has me nervous despite my big regional win for excelling in negotiation (and I doubt I'll have a chance to negotiate myself a spot!).

The general formula is 4 from Moot Court, 3 from Mock Trial, and 3 from the ADR program. However, during my time at law school the Moot Court and ADR teams have all been very exceptional, and the Mock Trial program has suffered (mostly due to a lack of consistent coaching). We have several regional champions in ADR, and a national champion. We have a regional champion in Moot Court, and they have nationals soon. And that's not counting the many other competitions unrelated to ABA competitions.

Where I will suffer is my GPA (B-), and my lack of competition at other schools in other categories. I did some intramural mock trial, and one moot court. Those picking will look at things like that when everyone who applies has a championship under their belt.

Anyway, I felt the need to address the fact that I am worried about actually winning. I hope I do, because it would be a huge resume builder, despite the fact I have trial experience in real life and have already been offered a job because they think I'm a legal all-star. Anyway, I may write another blog Saturday before I get married. It will be my last blog as a single and awesome Captain Awesome...

Friday, February 24, 2012

Weighing in on the Hebrew Hammer

Ryan Braun is an outstanding talent. He is an elite hitter, with or without steroids. He is a league MVP, and has helped revive the Brewers franchise. He is their shining star, and he may very well one day be a hall of famer.

Yesterday, it was released that his 50-Game suspension was lifted by an arbitrator, and MLB is livid. First off, congrats to Braun and the Brewers, and Braun's attorney. I just wanted to address the reasons behind this ruling.

Braun still has a failed drug test. He did nothing to invalidate the test itself. He did nothing to disprove and mitigate the fact he had an insane amount of testosterone in his system during the failed drug test. Did he pass another drug test right after yes, but that doesn't mean anything. So he still failed the drug test, so why was the suspension overturned you ask?

Procedure. He got off on a technicality that a rule was followed perfectly. He was tested, and the rules state that the sample must be taken to FedEx immediately to be shipped to the lab. The tester, noticing that FedEx was closed didn't take it immediately. The test was performed on a Saturday night, so when the sample was prepared, it was too late to be sent out. So the tester waited until Monday morning, and shipped as soon as he could. There and behold lies a beautiful legal term of art that has helped out so many criminals when it comes to evidence..."Chain of Custody."

When chain of custody is at issue, the evidence is at issue. The lab said the sample came in without any issue regarding the seal. Nothing had been tampered with. Yet, because it wasn't sent to them right away, the arbitrator ruled in Braun's favor. Is this good news for Braun and the Brewers? Of course it is. Does Braun still have the dark cloud of a failed drug test above him? Well in many people's eyes, he doesn't. He should, and he likely will. Either way, this was a major decision as it was the first suspension over turned regarding performance enhancing drugs.

I, along with many other fans, cannot wait for this steroid era to end. Let's get back to baseball, the way it was meant to be played.

On a wonderful side note, Jose Bautista has apparently gone through 16, count them SIXTEEN, "random" drug tests. MLB, what the hell are you trying to tell us? They should be ashamed, that is completely unnecessary, and it makes me disappointed as a fan. Jose, keep dropping bombs, and stay awesome.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Scoregasm has Scored and Gasmed this Year.

You read that title correctly. I've often tried to keep my blog readers updated on the happenings of my fantasy football team, "Scoregasm." This year I elected to forgo that, as I thought it might be a jinx. Previously I had not finished higher than third, but 2011 was different. Scoregasm has won the 2011 Donkey Punches fantasy football league. Let me tell you how:

The Draft: It all started here, I usually get stuck with a shitty pick. This year, I got stuck with the ninth pick our of twelve teams. Not the worst spot, but not the best spot. I made the best of it, I took Michael Turner in the first round to open, and on my turnaround I made the best pick of the day and took Drew Brees. This pick is important as passing touchdowns are worth 6 points, not the usual 4 points in our league. I followed that up with the picks of Peyton Hillis (pictured above, and also a huge bust), and a few reaches at wide receiver that paid off. I reached and took in order for picks 4-6, Brandon Marshall, Marques Colston, and Steve Smith (Carolina). To round off my offense I took Tony Gonzalez to fill my TE spot (I was hoping Jimmy Graham would fall to me, but he was taken a few picks earlier).

I then took the New York Jets defense, and followed my picks to round out the bench with Mike Sims-Walker (dropped very early on), Willis McGahee (huge pick for a tenth rounder that put up 1000 rushing yards), Jay Cutler (who I dropped for a much better backup to be discussed later), Toby Gerhart (who I dropped and then picked up immediately after the first A.P. injury), I then took Adam Vinatieri to fill my kicker void, and then my final pick was Donald Brown.

It was a pretty solid draft, and I essentially won the season there thanks to the big years from Turner, Brees, Marshall, Colston, Smith, Gonzalez, and McGahee.

But my good moves didn't stop at the draft...

The Season: So the regular season is always full of waiver moves that help win championships. Some of mine were to keep them out of other team's possession, and then others were to fill bye week gaps, or injury holes. Here is a look at what some of those pick-ups looked like: Cam Newton, Darren Sproles, Mike Thomas, Devery Henderson, Jake Ballard, Eric Decker, and Kahlil Bell on offense, at kicker I went through Jason Hanson and finished with Mason Crosby at the kicker spot, and I also used the Tennessee Defense, and New York Giants Defense once each.

I was in position to win the top seed in our league, and had it not been for one Philip Rivers to Vincent Jackson touchdown in the regular season finale, I would have won top seed. I led the league in points, but took a few tough losses. All in all, I took the 3 seed into the playoffs...

The Playoffs: Week one of the playoffs, I faced off against Brian, a league newcomer who was carried to the playoffs by Aaron Rodgers, I tough matchup that came down to a Sunday night football game. I pulled off the win, and had to carry my success into playing the two seed. Week two of the playoffs I was matched up against M-Dub, who I'd beaten twice already in the regular season. It was a walk in the park thanks to Drew Brees. Tony Romo had started with a huge Saturday point fest when he had 250 yards and 4 touchdowns in the first half. Luckily he had a slow second half, and Drew Brees met his match with 350 of his own yards and 5 touchdowns. So I moved on to the finals.

The Finals: It was a nail-biter that came down to the Monday Night Saints-Falcons game. I had Brees, Gonzalez, and Colston going and Mike (who is now a three time finals failure) had Roddy White going. I was down by 42 points thanks to a great start from Kahlil Bell who I'd just picked up (and I'd benched Turner that week), and despite horrible starts by McGahee and S. Smith. I ended up winning by 18 points, and Drew Brees broke down Marino's record.

All in all a great fantasy season, that also happened to have the largest fantasy payout that our league has season in 6 seasons. We paid $50 per team this year, as opposed to $20. So I walked away with a title and $300. If you do the math, in the previous five seasons, I'd lost $80 (I won $20 back with a third place finish a few years ago), so that makes me up $220 after 6 years of play. Not to shabby.

Next year, Scoregasm will be back in full force looking to have a repeat performance and win the Donkey Punches Fantasy Football league. Please see the video.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

A Legal Commentary on Stripping

So I read an article on Above the Law recently. You can read it by clicking the link. It's actually quite interesting and right up my alley. So I thought I would comment on it.

Here is the basic rundown: Attorneys for South American drug lords in Florida have been busted using strippers to make sure their clients keep them employed. They have been flying in dancers from South America to pose as legal assistants and secretaries and entertain the incarcerated kingpins with their non-legal assets.

There are several women who find this as sexist and wrong. They don't believe it should be allowed. I disagree.

Using sex is something that our country does on a daily basis. We use sex in ads to sell products ranging from deodorant, cars, cell phones, movies, condoms (obviously), and beer. We take clients to lunch at places like Hooters (I actually do go their for the wings) and Twin Peaks (food is only so-so). We place models on cars and boats at shows and state fairs. Sex sells. There are not many statements someone can make that is truer than that.

This is just another way to have sex sell. Yes it has the potential to border on prostitution if these clients are getting a little happy ending after the "dance." But there is no risk of sex slavery, these women are paid professional dancers, as Above the Law points out.

It used to be commonplace to take important business clients to a strip club to help seal a deal, and some companies still do that. Is buying a lap dance for a potential client any different then sending a stripper to a current client to keep him happy? Not really.

As a fan of the legal system and the strip club system, I believe that no harm comes from combining the two. I mean if P.E.T.A can use sex to advocate against wearing fur, why can't attorneys use sex to maintain happy clients. Because for anyone who has worked in the legal industry, they know how rare happy clients are. I would say the percentage of happy clients to a law practice is around 17%. So you have 83% of your clients that are unhappy. Why not offer a lap-dance or two to help ensure that you stay retained by your client (especially one who is in prison, but still paying you).

So I applaud those Floridian attorneys making use of the stripping industry. If I'm ever arrested in Florida, I'll know who to call...

Monday, November 21, 2011

Money, Basketball, and the Law

I wrote this article last week for the Stanley & Associates Newsletter, "Off the Record." I wanted to write something that would be relevant to anyone who reads it, and I wanted to explain what the NBA players would have to prove to win an antitrust case. The article is basically an explanation of antitrust in as simple of terms as I could make it. I hope you find it informative. You can read the original newsletter here if you'd like.

If you have any questions regarding antitrust, please feel free to email me at Enjoy:

"This one is for all the sports fans out there. You may know that the NBA Players Union has recently elected to disband and file suit against the NBA. You may have also heard that the specific type of lawsuit filed by the players (in multiple jurisdictions) is an “Antitrust” lawsuit. But what does all of this actually mean for the league, the players, and your favorite NBA team?

An antitrust claim means essentially this: The parties being sued are accused of participating in an agreement that unreasonably restrained trade in the market. In this case, the parties being sued make up the NBA; which is a collection of the teams and owners.

The first element of the claim the plaintiffs (the NBA players) have to prove is the existence of a “market.” There are two types of markets involved in this case: output and input markets. Output markets have to do with things that generate revenue, such as the games, TV deals, and merchandise. Input markets have to do with the products themselves, which, in this case are the players and coaches.

The second part of an antitrust claim that must be proven is the anticompetitive effect that the defendant (NBA’s) actions have on the market. An example of this (taken from a Major League Baseball antitrust case) would be if all the owners got together and agreed that they would not pay any player (free agent) over a certain dollar figure. Proving the anticompetitive effect on the market can be difficult. In the case of the NBA, the players are claiming that the owners conspired to “boycott players” attempting to force them to take massive reductions in compensation.

The final piece of the antitrust suit puzzle for the NBA players is establishing that the teams who make up NBA have available to them less restrictive (less anticompetitive) alternatives.

The NBA will have the opportunity to defend these claims with procompetitive justifications. They will give an economic justification for each of the actions that the players claim to be anticompetitive. Some of these defenses will be very persuasive.

It is worth remembering that the NBA has lost antitrust suits in the past. Back in the mid 80’s, when the San Diego Clippers’s moved to Los Angeles, a court upheld a jury’s finding that requiring approval of every NBA team regarding the move of another team was an unreasonable restraint on trade.

The bottom line is that while antitrust claims are very hard to prove, the cases will often settle out of court because the stakes are very high for defendants. In this case, if the NBA looses, owners will feel the pain as damages awarded in antitrust suits are automatically tripled.

Keep an eye on our firm’s twitter feed for more updates on the NBA antitrust case."

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

ABA Regional Negotiation Champion

Well, law schools don't have athletics. Well, kind of, I did play on a law school softball team that finished second in a tournament over the summer (I played a dynamite SS that day in 106 degree heat...but that's another story). For competition purposes, law schools have Mock Trial, Moot Court, and Dispute Resolution (Negotiation, Arbitration, and Mediation) teams.

They are teams that promote oral advocacy. Mock trial is a simulation of a trial. Moot Court is a simulation of an appeals hearing, and Dispute Resolution teams deal with before and after court issues.

Being a future super agent, being part of a Negotiation competition team just calls to me. I won a competition as a 1L that allowed me to be part of the travel team. Fall of my 2L year I finished second in intramurals (lost by 1 point). Spring of my 2L year, I traveled to Liberty Law School in Virginia to compete. That didn't go very well. Essentially, me and my teammate had the highest score through round 1, but an "ethical" violation (creating a self serving fact) cost us round 2, and advancing.

Well this past weekend, I got another shot at competing. Me and a new teammate (Danielle Huddleston) represented Texas Wesleyan School of Law in the Region 8 ABA Negotiation Competition. Region 8 consists of Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Arkansas, and Louisiana. Texas Wesleyan sent two teams. One advanced to the finals, the other did not. Obviously, if you read the title of this blog post, you know who won. My teammate and I did (You can see the picture, on my right is my teammate Danielle Huddleston, and on my left in the picture is our coach Chris Watts (Wesleyan Grad from '00, and me and my awesome beard are in the middle).

Is this a big deal? Of course. We now get to go to nationals in New Orleans in February for a chance to win back-to-back National Negotiation Titles for the school. Last year, Texas Wesleyan finished third in regionals, and were lucky to even get an invite to nationals. This year, we won an automatic invite.

What makes this an even bigger deal is that, little, ole tier-4 Texas Wesleyan dominated several major schools in our region...Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas-Little Rock, LSU, Tulsa, Baylor, SMU, and Texas Tech to name a few... All of these law schools have much better "rankings" nationwide, yet Texas Wesleyan is the defending national champion, and we now have a shot at winning two in a row. Pretty impressive for a little school in Fort Worth.

Either way, this is just another step in becoming a super agent!

Monday, October 31, 2011

What Happened to Halloween?

So this year for Halloween, I actually live in a big neighborhood in Richardson with lots of kids. I know there are lots of kids because I see them every morning on their way to school, and after school they are all out playing when I'm running. I was kind of excited to do the whole give out candy for Halloween thing...But alas, that has not happened.

As of now, Holly and I's first trick-or-treater showed up around 5:45pm. We had our 6th trick-or-treater around 8pm, and well, haven't had one since. A quick check outside, and there are none to be seen on the street. To make things worse, half of the kids who were trick or treat in were wearing no costume. A couple of kids thought they were "gangsters" rocking a sweatshirt. It's disappointing really.

Should I blame kids these days for the lack of Halloween enthusiasm? I don't think so. It all comes down to shitty parenting. Parents worry about way too much shit these days. They don't let their kids do anything. We live in a generation where everyone gets a trophy, no one gets picked last (hell no one gets picked at all), and kids apparently don't get to go out on Halloween.

This new generation of parents blows. I think the current youthful generation should rise up out of their homes in a costume of their choosing and hit the house circuit to get some tasty candy.

Anyway, this current generation of parents are in fact NOT awesome. I mean I even dressed my dock up for this occasion! Zoey is ready for Halloween.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Hockey Fights Cancer

So I decided to take this break of action in the World Series (thanks to a spiteful mother nature), to talk about the NHL's version of Stand up 2 Cancer. I was able to take part in the MLB SU2C promotion this past Sunday during game 4 of the World Series in Arlington. It was a pretty cool moment, and a really great cause. The NHL is also involved in something similar, and I was able to take part in that as well not too long ago while attending a Dallas Stars and St. Louis Blues hockey game.

The NHL has a version known as "Hockey Fights Cancer." The Dallas Stars held an auction where several players signed sticks during a meet and greet for the winning bidder. I decided to do my part and got in on the bidding. However I elected to bid on Ralph and Razor's ties and an opportunity to meet the award winning broadcast team of Stars TV and radio fame (see picture). It was a great opportunity, and they even put Holly and I on the post game show.

I just wanted to write this blog to give anyone interested in donating to Hockey Fights Cancer, or Stand Up 2 Cancer the opportunity.

Let's hope the rain doesn't postpone the Rangers winning game 6 again tomorrow!